Random Rant on the Pleasures of Working in the Happy Land of Longacre's Dairy Bar

ok...so for the holiday season...Longacre's decided to be nice to the general public. so they sent off a coupon to the pottstown mercury. it was supposed to say "50 cents OFF any 1/2 gallon of ice cream". good ol' pottstown mercury prints a coupon alright. it reads "50 cents any 1/2 gallon of ice cream." of course Longacre's would never stand for that. apparently the newspaper realized its mistake and called the office. they agreed to run the add for free and fix it next week. so now, posted all over longacre's, is a sheet that tells the costumers the real story. so tonight at work, this rather crusty man walks in and brandishes his coupon cut out from the paper. i look up to find that delightful little piece in my face and immediately start to explain. well TRY to explain. right off the bat he tried to tell me that i should give him a half gallon for 50 cents anyway. i told him that it was a misprint on the paper's part and that it was clearly stated in many places around the store. he just continued to give me a hard time. one of my fellow male coworkers stepped up, and the man seemed to back off a little. then a guy from the back stepped in and eventually the guy just left. like didnt even take the 50 cents off. i guess he was soooo sure he could find a way to get his way. i love people! =]

today.

i have a slight cold and my throat hurts.
so i headed into the kitchen to make some tea.
without even noticing i got out my lighthouse mug and made myself some peppermint tea.
then, as i was waiting for it to cool a bit, i stopped. maybe the smell harbors memories; weird connections in my brain. but it threw me for a loop all the same. today of all days.

if you dont understand the meaning of this, its fine.
the one who was supposed to understand will.
i remembered.

Rants of the Tinsel Teethed (Toothed?)

"Someday, when you have a BEEEUTIFUL! smile...you'll be glad for all this pain."

...
...
SUREEEE I WILLL! but right now i have to deal with all this hardware in my mouth.
sure its great to know that if someone is shining a uber powered light in your face you can get revenge simply by smiling and showing off your grill...but seriously...as i sit here and contemplate the ratio of pain to the growling in my stomach, i dont find it worth it at all. all these promises of someday, SOMEDAY! when right now im just worried about being able to survive until that promised day!
apple sauce...overcooked mac&cheese...apple sauce...overcooked mac&cheese...apple sauce...
you get the idea, im sure. and i haven't even had these buggers in my mouth for a year yet! its felt like ages! only 523 days 4 hours 49 minutes and 12 seconds to go.

NOTE TO SELF:
Things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving:
1) God's everlasting love.
2) Family who loves me because they have no choice.
3) Friends who, if they dont love me, at least put up with me.
4) Mac&cheese and apple sauce for the days I can't eat anything else.
5) A beautiful smile (someday) courtesy of the metalworks in my mouth.
6) An orthodontist appointment this week instead of the week of Thanksgiving.

Beasty Girls

this past saturday, our youth group played in a flag football tournament. this is the third year in a row that we've gone. our girls team came in that first year and swept them off their feet. they, being the other churches, were none too happy about this of course. one team, in preporation for this year, held practices and even planned out at least five plays to use against us.
this year our usual team members almost didnt all get to come. but we all got in at the end and then some. our team consisted of many athletic girls from cross country, soccer, field hockey, basketball, even...a cheerleader! and by the end of all of our games we had become a very close knit group of screaming girls jumping in the mud and leaves and crushing one another after our final victory. yes it was quite wet and windy and muddy and amazing! we suffered our various injuries but we got one more bobblehead trophy to add to the collection in mr. k's office.
we didnt get any pictures this year, which is a huge bummer. but we're hoping to have the same team next year.

supposedly there's an extra prize in it for the girls team that knocks us off next year...

i can hardly wait. =]

so it's been awhile since i've done this. i have my reasons, but i think that i should put them behind me now. and since some of my siblings are reviving their blogs or starting a new one i guess i should at least make an effort. not gonna make any promises tho. you all know how busy the life of the average sophomore can be. and i am anything but average. =]

i'll leave you with an inspiring quote. first, some background:

in social studies, we were studying the rather famous quote by Rene Descartes - "I think, therefore I am." - well today, i used that quote as the base for this profound statement:

"i think...therefore i'm dangerous."

(another short story from the vaults)

Their laughter filled the air around them.
He picked her up, twirling around and around, her gasping for breath while pleading with him to put her down.
Slowly, he complied. But he still held her close, laughing in a joy he had never felt so strongly before. Her hands and head rested on his chest while she regained her balance. She tipped her head backwards and laughed.
"You're the best 'big brother'!"
She grinned, as if this statement should make him the happiest man alive. He tried to hold back his disappointment. He wanted to be more, so much more in her life. But how could he get past the fact that she saw him as a brother.
Yes, he wanted to protect her, shield her. But he wanted to love her, her to love him, forever and ever. Always.
Instead, he smiled into her eyes. He thought he caught a glimmer of confusion flash across her face. It was there, then gone, just like that. He couldn't be sure. But he could hope.
His right hand, almost by its own accord, slowly rose to brush away the strand of hair that forever seemed to escape her ponytail. His hand lingered there, causing her to turn her face upwards again to stare at him in wonder, as if something had just been revealed to her.
She started to step back, but he still had an arm around her, holding her close.
He'd resisted the urge for so long. Everytime she smiled at his teasing or giggled while she made fun of him. Suddenly, he could fight it no longer. He bent quickly and kissed her.
He pulled back, terrified that he had taken it too far. The look in her eyes told him just as much. He released her and turned so quickly, it seemed like one motion. He half turned, hoping against hope that she would call his name, change her mind. He finally resigned himself to the loss, leaving a big part of his heart with her forever.
She stood with a half smile on her face, watching his retreating back. Suddenly, she realized he thought the worst, that he would leave her life to save them both the pain of dealing with the issue. But she realized that if he walked out of her life now, she would never be the same. She knew now that she did love him, and not as a brother, as she had thought before.
She called his name, once, twice. He did not hear, or chose not to hear her. She turned and started running in the opposite direction, the smile on her face growing as she imagined his surprise.
He turned the corner of the building, heading towards his car. He chanced a glace back. She was gone. He had heard his name at least twice. But he had not turned, afraid that he was just wishing to hear it and would turn to find her gone. Or worse, standing there staring, still horrified at his brash action. Tears filled his eyes as he turned once more, fumbling for his keys in his pocket. Where had he put them?
He realized he must have left them inside. He groaned, knowing she would be there, that her shift wasn't over yet, that he must face her sooner than he ever would have imagined. He didn't know how he possibly could.
He looked up at his car, deciding to look for the keys there first, buying himself some time. He stopped short, staring. She stood ten feet in front of him, holding his keys in her hand. Slowly they both stepped forward, until they were staring directly into each other's eyes.
"I love you."
The simple statement was so quiet, he at first imagined she hadn't said it. But he slowly took her in his arms, feeling her in turn wrap her arms around his neck.
Once again, their laughter filled the air.

Harvey Cedars Bible Conference

so last monday, 20 some teens from my youth group, plus a few leaders to keep us in line, headed off to long beach island, new jersey for a retreat that my youth group has done for years. it was my first time going and i wasnt quite sure what to expect. i actually realized by tuesday afternoon that i wasnt really having a very good week, one reason will be explained later, and the other was because i was expecting too much. not too much in the sense that my expections were not being met. but in the fact that the stories i had heard from others were not matching up with the experience i was having. i then decided that i was going to start over, clear my mind of the opinions that were unknowingly forced on me about Harvey Cedars, and live in the moment and just listen to what God was saying for me, Joanna Manthey, to hear in July 2008. and my week changed gears then for the better in so many ways.

so five minutes away from HCBC itself, one of the cars in our caravan was rear-ended, bumped into the red van ((which contained most of the girls, including me)) and back into the van that hit it in the first place. we were stopped at a red light and pretty much sat there for a while in shock trying to figure out what happened. eventually we pulled into a parking lot and everyone was fine. the guy said his brakes failed. but we found out later that they actually hadnt. so it happened that we all arrived at least a half hour late to the camp, with five of our co-youth groupers in a police car. how bout those first impressions! =]

the whole week was just filled with amazing moments with some of my favorite people in the world in a beautiful setting. to tell you of all the little moments that made me smile or think or just made me happy in general would take forever. God showed me many things this past week and through the love and support of others, and through loving and supporting others, i have seen God's love. one big thing that i would like to share: in a previous blog i talked about my struggles with trusting God's will and ultimate plan in my life and in the lives of those i love. i came to the stark reality that i may lose the strongest man in my life. i had a dream a couple weeks ago that i was getting married. well about to. i was standing at the end of the aisle, waiting. for what i wasnt sure. but eventually, i heard the wedding march. i started walking, slowly, gracefully. but i had this nagging feeling that something was missing. i stopped suddenly when i realized that i was walking alone. i was not hanging on to my daddy's arm. i was completely and utterly alone. sure there were people around me, but this wasnt the way it was supposed to be. i woke up from that dream with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. i had to check and see that my daddy was alright.

while at Harvey Cedars, i felt so much more in God's presence at times. and He was pulling me close to Him. but there was something in between that always pushed me back. i realized that me holding on to my daddy was pushing me away from God, telling Him "i love you so much God and i want you in control of my life. just not my daddy." and soon i realized i was taking more and more back. "just one more thing that i cant trust you with God." and its rediculous that i thought that i could take better care of things than the God of the universe.

our speaker was so real and down to earth and not trying to impress. he was actually an assistant principal at a middle school. he wasnt paid to talk down to us. he truely had a desire to be there. one night, i believe thursday or friday, he was talking about something. and some random sentence caught my attention and to be honest i did not hear anything else he said that night. it had nothing to do with it, but for some reason God took one little sentence that i cant even remember now, and turned my head. He showed me just how much not trusting Him with my daddy's life was having an affect on my relationship with Him, others, and my life in general. at that moment i turned completely control over to God. it was so simple. and i felt like i've done it a million times. but for some reason it felt different. on thing the speaker said all week was if you make a commitment, good for you. but satan is going to come in right away and try to work his way between the cracks and break you. right way a thought popped into my mind.
what if i find out later that at the exact moment i was finally trusting God completely, He takes my daddy. where does that leave me? im trusting Him, does he have to test me?
but quickly i forced myself to think of God's promises of eternal life and the fact that i will see my daddy again. and God will put no trial in our lives that we can not handle. the peace that washed over me was like no other thing i have ever experienced. i dont think i told anyone right then. i dont think i have told anyone. im still pretty much in awe of the experience itself and im selfishly holding on to that feeling. but i feel that i used the overflow of God's grace, mercy, love and peace and helped a friend in need. God lessened my pain by putting those in my path to care for. and even tho i came close to losing my patience a few times, He used that to make me forget to feel pity for little ol' me. and my patience has been strengthened on so many levels.

well this really didnt turn out the way i thought it would: an overview of the week. def. a lot more and hopefully it makes sense.

our God is most assuredly an awesome God.

a window into my mind...

im sure i've said before on this blog that im the type of person who holds back emotion.
not that im totally void of any feelings. i love to laugh and smile and be joyful in the things that God has blessed me with. but in things that try my faith and test my patience, such as cancer, i find that i tend to look inward for strength. in so many ways im denying God the right to work in my life, altho He is. i just have a hard time accepting it. for a while i felt that deep down inside, subconsiously of course because it is quite impossible, i joanna manthey could do something to get rid of the cancer in my own daddy and my best friend's dad, who has become like a second father to me in many ways. then after some time i realized how ridiculous this really was. so then i moved on to questioning God's motives. i've had dreams where i am literally beating on God's chest in frustration, begging him to take away the cancer, that its not fair, why me, why me, poor little old me. i've been having some major trust issues. which is awful to know and very hard to resist. i find myself unknowingly trying to find ways around going to God with my anger and grief. i know that He has His reasons in all things and that He will never give us any trial that we cant handle and that He will be by our side, holding us if need be, through to the end. and i just havent been able to fully grasp that fact. so i tend to hide how deeply and truely upset i really am most of the time. and just recently, it took a scare ((which turned out to be nothing as bad as i was imagining. i was quite misinformed)) and a rather nice young man that i know pretty well to bring me back to the place where i should be, fully trusting, at least trying with all my heart to fully trust in my Lord and Savior and feeling safe in the fact that He IS watching over me, no matter what im going through.

Reflection

~ we had to reflect on our junior high years for english. we had a period to work. heres what he got. he really liked it tho. yay last paper of my ninth grade year!!! *tears* ~

Junior high. A transition between the itty-bitty elementary years and the big-bad high school. A time of new friends, new changes, new lessons.

The biggest event in my junior high years that directly affected how I act and feel in school happened just before Christmas break of my ninth grade year. My best friend for three years, (let’s call her Eileen), decided that I wasn’t good enough. I’d been going through a lot at home, trying to cope with the face that my dad’s cancer wasn’t getting any better and other family issues. I always tried to put a brave face on it, not let it affect my school work too much, only talk about it when absolutely necessary.

I’m one of those people who just hold back their emotion until they pop. A very good friend of mine once compared this “disorder” to a bottle of soda being shaken, then the cap being loosened. I’m sure you can imagine or might even have experienced the results of such actions. That’s how it feels to hold back, hold back; until the stupidest, slightest thing can set you off. And things happen and are said that you can't even imagine.

So with all these pressures behind me, I started to feel lousy. And I just didn’t realize at the time that other people were noticing the change. To quote my ex-“best” friend Eileen: “you’re just not happy enough anymore Jo. You act like the world is ending.”

Silence.

Crickets.

I’m sorry, but a best friend should be there for comfort. I understand that she might not have realized the situation was as bad as it was. But when I tried to explain how it felt to watch the strongest man in my life and world, slowly fading, fearing that I would lose him at any moment and how I felt I had a right to be upset, I got terrible reactions. I was accused of being a drama queen. I was told that I was using the fact that my dad had cancer to get attention.

These comments made a part of my heart die. To hear them from people I had once loved, admired, trusted, tore me apart, inside and out. And I was suddenly forced to see things that I had been ignoring for far too long, making me look and feel like a fool.

Junior high is definitely a place and time of changes. And we can try to fight them, but in the end, we just have to move on, praying that God will show us the reasons why He puts so much pain in our way.

She was changing. She wanted to be cool. She wanted to be hip. She wanted to be “in”. And I was clearly holding her back, for the simple reason that I was not changing at the same rate or in the same direction as her.

I cried so much for those lost days. Days of innocence and friendship that seemed like it would go on forever. But that day she turned her back on all that, for someone newer, better, the improved model. I was the best friend that lost the glitter, the shine.

After a while, I stopped fighting it. I tried to move on. At the time, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it. I held onto the small hope that she would changer her mind; realize what she had turned down. But as I slowly moved on, mending my broken heart, I realized I didn’t want or need her back. I realized that my best friends were the ones who stepped up when there seemed to be no one. They lifted me up and I learned the true meaning of friendship. And my future is a whole lot brighter!

So, moral of the story: changes happen every day. Eileen walked away from our friendship. That was her choice. It’s in the past and I can't changer her decision. And now, I believe I can finally say that I am thankful, in not glad, that she did.

That event in my life changed me. Possibly forever. But things happen, we move on, we change as we need and see fit. And we have to learn to take those times to heart and try our hardest to get the most out of it, bad or good.

The longest, hardest, most emotional lesson I had to learn in junior high. But I’m here, I’m alive, and I’m a better person for it.

random on the spot poem

my worries are knocking on the door
my pains, my fears
threatening my peace of mind
i turn left
i turn right
theres no where to hide
im used to facing these
on my own
but today its different
i can feel it in the air
today its different
cuz i know ur there
you take my hand
and you hold me close
and suddenly
my world is straight.

pictures from formal.

for those of you who dont have a facebook:

my corsage.


dorks.


trying to be normal.


wild hair.


at dinner.

crazy insane amazing week =]

*sighs*

the end of an uber busy week...

saturday the 17th --- christine elsas' birthday party. i went on a tire swing for the first time in forever. and i found that i love it. except when theres a big tree in the way. and abbey pushes me right towards the tree. and then when i go to get off, theres a big puddle of nastiness to step in. haha. then there was the moon bounce. with sweaty hats. and a sweaty red ball. always fun. and then beating richard at foosball...o yes. =]

sunday the 18th --- movie day with youth group! we went to see Prince Caspian. o gaspeth! haha. the movie was good. the acting wasnt the best. and they didnt follow along with the book as much as they did in the first one. but the good looking guys made up for it. JUST KIDDING! =P then we had youth group as always. ((and i got a late mother's day present of chocolate galore from my darling kristen YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!))

monday the 19th --- big day of misunderstanding and pain! haha that sounds worse than it is really. ok. so i slept in a bit on monday because i thought my mom said i wasnt going to school because of the business of the day that you are about to hear about. she had forgotten her cell phone the night before when she left for work. so she had no way of calling us and we had no way of getting a hold of her. she came home around 9:15 am and was not happy at all. apparently, she had said that i was supposed to go to school and she would pick me up there. she had gone to the school and they couldnt find me. she then went to the ortho, thinking that my dad had dropped me off there when he knew i was running late. but i wasnt there. so she came home, obviously not too happy with me and my stupidness. anywho. so we went to the ortho and they took off my top wire. then i went to the dentist, got shot up with enough novacaine to make me numb for 50 million years, hung upside down ((slight exaggeration for the betterment of this story)) for about an hour while he drilled away and tried to play psychologist to the dental hygenist. *sighs* after that i had a really bad headache and felt slightly sick to my stomach. so i went home and slept for a bit. then it was off to the ortho again for my regular appointment and tightening nasties. what a day!

tuesday the 20th --- nothing too exciting happened. i had to take the first part of a random algebra 2 test for the state. failure and a half. =] i also had show choir that night and it was intense since our concert was thursday.

wednesday the 21st --- quite busy i would say. i had to take the second part of the random algebra 2 test for the state. again. failure and the other half. gooo me! then show choir went on a EDUCATIONAL FIELD TRIP! to walnut woods, the mall, and st. john's. yay! so we sang all morning, descended on the mall in furious droves, and then sang to some random people at some random meeting at katie's chruch (st. john's) then got some yummy cookies!!! yay! we then went back to the school just in time to leave. go us! after school i had my voice lesson with mrs. black. o how i love that woman! haha. she told me that i stand too much like a man at times. im not quite sure how to take that. butttt she also says that my recital pieces are coming along. and even better news...the recital has been moved to June 22nd. which means i wont have to hurry home from pittsburgh and wont have to miss out on an amazing van ride! yay!

thursday the 22nd --- i had a luncheon for fcs that i had to work at randomly through out the school day. that was fun. and yummy. shhh! at the end of the day, we had practice for chorus for the concert. after school i had about an hour to get my stuff together and ready and then went to set up for our youth group yard sale. i stupidly forgot a sweatshirt and it was rainy and wet and cold. but eric let me borrow his and i still got wet. lol. but i had to leave after about 2 hours or so to go to my chorus concert. which was amazing. and i cried. cuz im a wuss. haha no. i just dont wanna leave jr. high. and i suddenly realized just how much i love our show choir even with its drama and nasty people and nasty situations. then i finally got to go home!

friday the 23rd --- nothing special happened at all.

friday the 23rd --- just kidding. =] i went to richard's formal with him. yay! tehe. i went to his house for pictures and then to the reading country club for more pictures and food. then SURPRISE we're going bowling! o yay! in a dress. woot woot. then we went to his teacher's house for a party. but we didnt get to stay that long because it was pretty late. then we met anna at walmart in pottstown. after they left, elise, anna, rachel, rachel's friend who i dont know, phil and i had a "dance party" in the parking lot. well, rachel and i kinda stood there to the beat. =]

but suddenly, these gangsters came out of nowhere and were coming towards us. so we all dove awkwardly into the car and drove away rather quickly. haha. it was great. then i went home, put up some pictures on my facebook of the night, and went to sleep.

here's my favorite picture of the night:

tehe.

saturday the 24th --- after waking up at like 10:30ish...i was rather slow in getting ready. which made me get to the youth group yard sale a bit later than i wanted to. ((12:30)) it was a fun day. i randomly got some stuff: old records to put on my wall...vintage...oooo yes!; nail polish...that i shared =]; a penguin mug; a penguin hand puppet; and other random things. yay! i learned how to tie a tie!!! and it looks good!!! not that i will ever need that skill but still. i was quite proud of myself. although some people just couldnt accept that fact that i have skills, insisting that i got outside help. *sighs*. and all day, i was walking around barefoot. in the mud. and grass. and mud. and stones. and mud. yay! but my feet were really dirty. and kinda hurt.

and that is the overview of my crazy week.

looks like im gonna have a busy day tomorrow.

and next week im going on vacation!!!

yay yay yay! =D

lots of catching up...

so once again...i havent blogged in a long time. and i've heard ALL about it, believe you me.
so here it goes...
*sighs*

so its been a month and a day since i last blogged. ((previous entry does not count...APPARENTLY!!!)) anywho. i've been busy.

first there was the ninth grade project. which was fun. i was project manager and my group was a ragtag of kids. lol. but it all came together in the end. and although we didnt "get hired" after our presentation, we all did our very best and we were still amazing. as was the chocolate cheesecake i made. yummay! =]

also...my sister ruth graduated from Millersville University last weekend. so we went out there for that and then back to my sister lydia's house for a family get together with a long lost cousin or two. thats always fun.

yesterday afternoon, we went to the high school for a tour. i was still wearing my heels from earlier ((we had to get dressed up for the presentations)), and had a bit of a wipe-out going down the stairs. i tripped over myself, slid down about 5 steps, and kerplopped on the landing...all in the most gracefully, non-klutzy way possible for me. =] as i went down i grabbed jordyn's arm as a reflex and she screamed, as she had her back to me and didnt see it coming. i almost took her down with me. as i was towards the front of the 30 person group, everyone saw my tumble. at first, everyone was like *GASPETH* ARE YOU OK!?!?!?! and ms. terizzi almost had a heart attack. but then i got over my shock and laughed, which made everyone at ease and they laughed too. my one ankle did swell at bit and it hurt to put my full weight on it for a while. but it got better quickly and nothing was broken. pretty much the most exciting thing that happened. haha. the tour was pretty awful so i have an offer from megan mcglinchey to get a private tour this summer. YAY!

last night was the ninth grade dance. i went with my best buddy boy eric specht =] ((he got me flowers...and i couldnt open the plastic box...and the strap was velcro and he couldnt get it on my wrist...it was great.)) also went with all the girls ((katie, emily, jordyn, ashley, amber, and others)) and the random boys that tagged along ((dave, jt, joe, and others)) blonde moment of the night...well one of them...i tried to pull up on the water fountain handle...but u have to push down...and the teasing didnt stop after that...but we had some great times and great memories were made...tehe

so i guess thats bout it for now. at least those are the highlights that i can remember at the moment. lots of stuff coming up. so i guess i'll be blogging a bit more often. stupid peer pressure. =P

the title.

i blogged. =]

Story.

You know those old home movies? The ones on the reels that are so warped and faded that the sound comes and goes and pops every once in a while? The lines run across the screen and the faded brown shadows of days gone by flash across the screen.
That’s how I remember things, no matter how long ago they happened. My past is distorted, a pale outline of the very real story of my life.
I had a lovely childhood by all accounts. Good family, nice neightborhood, close friends. When I was in eighth grade, I found him. The man I knew I was going to marry someday. We dated through high school. We were THE couple. When we sent out invitations a few years after graduation, no one was all that surprised.
Our wedding was perfect. Every last detail was flawlessly orchestrated. It was both traditional and our very own. Everyone involved went out of their way to make this day as special as it could possibly be for us.
Our honeymoon consisted of a two week cruise to the Bahamas. After our time of relaxing in the sun and enjoying each other’s company, we settled down. We had bought a house on the outskirts of our hometown. We soon settled into our new life together; me working from home on my second book; and he a math teacher at the middle school where we first met.
We had only discussed kids once or twice. We both wanted some kids, but were willing to wait awhile. We were still so young, right out of college, and still had so much we wanted to do before we completely settled down. We never dreamed that there could ever be a problem.
Five years later. We’d been trying for at least three, if not four years to have a baby. Five doctors. Nothing was wrong. With him or with me. There was no medical reason that we couldn’t have a child. But we couldn’t.
You never know how much you really want something until something or someone comes along and removes all chance of it ever coming true. My want for a child turned to yearning. I would pray every night for a miracle. A chance. When none came, I lost faith in anything. In God, in myself, in life. There didn’t seem to be any point anymore.
I wanted to be a mother so badly. It consumed my days and nights. My best friend was scared to tell me that she was pregnant again. I tried to be happy for her. I was. Truly. But when I left that hospital room after meeting her new daughter, I felt hollowed out, exhausted with the cares and disappointments of life.
I slipped into depression eventually. I couldn’t understand why I was being punished. My great-aunt Lucy, a zealous Catholic, told me that I or that husband of mine must be hiding some sin. God sees all and will punish you for your disobedience. Must be a sign that you shouldn’t have married THAT man. I told you and everyone else that it would never work, it wasn’t right. But did you listen? No! And now you are paying for it! What are you hiding!?!
When I went to my mother with this, she just waved me away. You’re aunt’s crazy. Just ignore her.
But the crazy ranting of my aunt Lucy stuck in my head. I couldn’t sleep for weeks. She was in my dreams, every single one, cursing me to burn in hell for the sins which would now plague the family. I would wake up, screaming. He would comfort me and then turn to go back to sleep. In my horror and despair, I would pummel him with my fists, screaming and crying that he didn’t care about me. You never wanted a baby anyway! What was you doing to ruin our chances?
He would wrap his arms around me and try to calm me down. We would just lay there, me whimpering in his arms, gulping for air. This happened at least once a week for months. I went to therapy twice, and then made him promise he wouldn’t make me go back. I could get better on my own. He would see. He promised.
I did make progress. I cleaned the entire house one day, spring cleaning in July. I worked in the garden, hoping that the fresh air would clear my mind and calm my churning soul. I still felt dark, but pretending to be happy eventually makes you feel happy again.
My turning point came when I finally opened the door that led to my office. I was just going to dust a bit, and then go eat some lunch. I hadn’t touched my computer in months. My book was saved there, half finished, full of promise, potential. This could be what I needed to pull me out of my stupor.
I sat down on the swivel chair, took a deep breath, and booted up the computer. The startup screen came up. Finally the desktop showed up and I found my files on that story.
He found me four hours later, still in that chair, typing furiously. I didn’t look up, knowing that this feeling of release could not be interrupted. I knew he was watching me, but after a while, I didn’t pay attention to it anymore. I found myself living my story and not worried about the outside world.
The next thing I remember is the bonging of the grandfather clock in the living room. Midnight. I couldn’t believe it. I looked at the computer screen in disbelief. I had finished my book. I didn’t know what I had written. I didn’t know how long it was. I didn’t even care if it made sense. But I was done with it. I knew that I had poured my heart and soul into this book. I was free.
I saved my work and left it on the screen. Standing slowly, I stretched my sore legs and arms. Over twelve hours of straight typing. No breaks. I hadn’t needed them. I rubbed my eyes and padded slowly out the door, down the hall, and into the living room. He was sleeping on the couch. I sat down next to him, kissed him lightly on the cheek. He stirred slightly, saw me, and started to sit up. I smiled down at him and headed towards our bedroom.
I fell asleep almost instantly. I woke up when he sat on the edge of the bed. His face was clouded, like he wanted to cry, but didn’t want to upset me. It’s beautiful. He took my hand, and we both burst into tears. It had been a long time coming.
My publisher loved the book. He only made a few corrections, mostly grammatical errors on my part. But it was in print by that fall. I was ecstatic. This was my breakthrough.
That winter, I was doing some autographing in a little bookstore tucked away in the mall. People liked the “raw intensity” that my book brought out. I would just smile and nod and ask who the book was for. I really didn’t feel good and wanted to just go home. I signaled to the bookstore owner that I needed a break. She kindly stepped up to the table to make the announcement. As I stood to head towards the bathroom in the back, the world tilted to one side, then back to the other. I grabbed for the nearest bookcase, but didn’t make contact. As the carpeted floor got closer, I realized that there were people running towards me. I made an effort to put my arms out in front of me to break the fall. Pain shot up my arm and then I blacked out.
I came around slowly. He was there, holding my hand and soothing me. His eyes held a panic that I could not decipher. He seemed upset, but happy; worried, yet relieved.
The mall nurse was on my other side, taking my pulse and blood pressure. I insisted that I was fine, really, just hadn’t been sleeping well. She asked all the usual questions about what I ate today and if I have ever had a problem with fainting. Of course I hadn’t. She looked me in the eye and asked one of the most awful questions she could have asked at that moment.
Ma’am, are you pregnant?
Her words cut me deep; my heart seemed to shatter in a million tiny pieces, devastating my somewhat calm countenance. The floor gave way to a gaping hole in the earth, swallowed me up. I must have blacked out again because next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed. He was sleeping on the chair next to me. Just as I woke up, a nurse walked in with a man who must have been the doctor. He woke up and took my hand as the doctor looked at his clipboard.
He asked if he could talk to my husband outside for a moment. When they came back, he was very pale. A look passed between him and the doctor that I could not decipher. The doctor started talking. No real damage done. Besides your broken arm that is. The miscarriage did not damage anything else.
Miscarriage? Did he have the wrong room? I wasn’t even able to have children! His grip on my hand tightened. The doctor kept talking but I couldn’t hear a word. The room got smaller and smaller. Soon I was alone, screaming up at the stars in agony.
To be so close and not know! To be so close and then lose it! It might have been a blessing to not have known before the miscarriage. But for me, just the thought that there had been a life inside of me that I didn’t even get to marvel over, to plan for, to mourn. I felt that I did not have the right to mourn this loss, having not known about the possibility of loss in the first place.
I was home within the next couple days. Life started to go back to normal. Not many people knew the real reason for my five day hospitalization. Most people thought I had just collapsed and hit my head. My cast proved difficult to explain, as to others it seemed like such a small deal to fall and break an arm. But to me, every time I was asked, I had to relive that day. That nightmare of a day that had sent my world reeling. But that no one could ever understand.
I went back into my depression. But not so severe, at least to the outside observer. To people who did not know me so well, I was fine. Maybe not as chipper as always, but no one can be happy all the time right? To those who were closer to me, like my parents and husband, I had my moments where they thought they were back to last year. I would fly into a rage about the littlest things. A stupid mistake on my part could turn into a day of crying over nothing. My husband would come home to find that I had not showered, eaten, done anything that day. He would try to find the root of the issue. Most of the time it was something like stubbing my toe on the way into the bathroom. Or slopping a bit of milk on the floor while eating breakfast.
I tried writing sometimes, knowing that it had taken me out of my depression before. Nothing seemed to help. I started at least ten different stories in that four month period. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I had finally hit the dreaded brick wall.
Eleven months after my miscarriage, I passed out again. It scared me. But I didn’t get hurt this time. Still I couldn’t help but wonder if it was for the same reason. I didn’t tell him, but I went to the doctor and had some tests done.
I felt a new sense of hope welling up in me. I noticed things that I hadn’t for a long time. The way that the snow lay in drifts across the fields. The way the sun glistened off the day-old snow banks. The world seemed new, but I held back my joy, fearing that I was wrong, but hoping against hope that it could be true.
The day that the doctor called me back to his office, I was as nervous as that young girl in eighth grade about to get her first kiss. I felt so small and abandoned in that pediatric doctor’s office. The mother next to me was holding a baby that couldn’t have been more than seven months old, while keeping a mother-hen’s eye on a four year old across the room. She noticed me watching the baby held in her arms and asked if I wanted to hold him.
That moment, holding that tiny baby in my arms, I knew that I was pregnant. I knew that God would send me the precious gift that I had been longing for. Tears filled my eyes and ran down my face. I felt an arm around my shoulder. Soon I was pouring out my whole story to her, not caring that half the other mothers in the waiting room were listening. Not caring that I barely knew this woman.
The release I felt as I finished talking was enormous. Just then, the nurse came out and said that the doctor would see me. I asked her if I could make a phone call first. She told me to take my time. He was surprised to hear where I was. I asked if he could come quickly, it was important. He told me he’d be there as soon as he could.
The miracle of knowing that a life was growing inside of me was life changing. I was the most careful expectant mother in the world. I ate healthy, went to every checkup, and did everything the doctor said. I gathered immense amounts of information from the Internet and from various maternity books.
The day that Micah Ayden came into this world was one of the most memorable days of my life. I was exhausted, but I held that tiny bundle of joy, for truly this baby had given me back my life. I felt like I held the world, contained in that small child for a while. I wondered what was going on in his head, behind that croqueted blue and white hat that my mother had made.
Did he know what I had gone through for this day? Did he know that he was the miracle that I had been waiting for? Did he know that, through him, God had brought me back to where I was truly meant to be?
As I sit here writing this, a few days before Micah’s wedding, I can hardly believe how far we’ve come. From that little knit hat, to his first pair of Winnie the Pooh shoes, to his first bike, first car. His life has been a journey, a blessing for us all. But now I have to go fix dinner for the family, consisting of Micah and his five younger siblings. God has truly blessed my life.

catching up...

i woke up this morning with one of my headaches. so i decided that i would go back to sleep and possibly go into school a bit later. but...i didnt wake up again until 1:00 in the afternoon. there goes that idea. so with all this extra time on my hands i decided that i would update my blog, as it has been a long time since i last did so.

lets see...what has happened in my life?
on april 7th 2008 i officially became a brace-faced, tinseled-teethed girl. woot woot! i hadnt told anyone about them. i wanted it to be a shocking surprise. haha. i got them in the morning and then went back to school with them. the reactions were fun. my teeth didnt start to hurt until about 9 that night. i just popped some pills and went to bed. the next morning was awful but somehow i made it through. the following days were definately not too much fun. my tongue would get swollen from talking and singing so much because in the back it would rubbed against the bands on my back molars. i didnt cry over my braces until thursday night, which was the worst time. all day thursday i felt pretty good. i was like, "schweet! im getting used to these suckers!" well they just had to prove me wrong i guess. that night my whole mouth was just throbbing. i tried drinking hot chocolate and that helped...until it was gone...then the pain seemed worse. plus the wire that i have in right now is heat activated. so if i drink or eat something really hot or really cold, it tightens and i can feel it do so. not too fun. i then tried really cold water, with the same results. i probably overdosed on painkillers that night. but that was the first and only time i cried about the braces. the pain is impossible to describe unless you've gone through it. one of the only good thing about braces is that you have to eat more slowly. so that means by the time you're halfway through what you might ordinarily eat, you're full. so i've lost some weight. not too much. but a little bit. so braces have other uses than straightening teeth. =]

on april 9th, i went to gettysburg PA for my honors social studies trip. we're all becoming civil war buffs this year, as that is like ALL we study! haha. but it was fun and we have many...interesing pictures. =] my lunch was interesting...consisting of a yogurt smoothie, jello, and other such loverly foods. i saw my greatgreatgreat uncle or cousin or whatever he is to me. his statue(s) anyway. john reynolds, a famous civil war general who was killed by a sniper on the first day of gettysburg, is related to me somehow. excitement! that day was also a little eye opening on some other matters. one of which led me to lose my date for the ninth grade dance. not lose...give up? break off? well lets just say i told him that i didnt feel comfortable going with him to the dance anymore. so im now dateless...unless you count katie...*wiggles eyebrows* =DDD

thursday i had dress rehearsal for the talent show, which is this week if you'd like to come, and then my voice lesson. still getting used to my braces. i've been told that i make funny faces inbetween the verses of the song im singing...but thats not my fault!!! and mrs. black told me that she was "so sorry! but you know someday you'll be grateful that u have this wonderful smile! now lets sing!" haha gotta love mrs. black. =]

friday april 11th, i became a mother...to a african american, plastic, computer baby. micah ayden manthey. yay! my dad went into the hospital friday morning. but i didnt know that until i got home from school.

i decided to go to the dance with micah, hoping that i wouldnt regret my decision. the dance marathon was on friday and the cause that they supported was the american cancer society. the dance was longer than usual because of this and they had special guest speakers. mr. wade, who i got to know through Unclaimed carriages, is a survior of skin cancer. he was one of the speakers and quite a speaker he was. he had almost everyone crying. i dont remember when i started crying. but there i was, sitting there on the floor with a little baby, surrounded by at least 100 sweaty, smelly teenagers and teachers, and i started crying. i pretty much lost it. ashley held my hand and spechty was hugging me. im not one to cry all that often. i hold stuff in until i nearly burst. not a good habit i know. i hadnt really had a good day on friday, considering the braces and the how ninth grade dance deal. and i really felt like i needed to cry, but couldnt just make myself. i really needed that cry. after mr. wade finished, katie, emily, jordyn, amber, jt, and lots of others came over and we all started crying together. we had this little cluster of people and i am so grateful that they were there for me. i felt this enormous release. after that i was so much happier and lighter. i thank God for that night and im so glad that i went. i needed that and He knew that i also needed to be surrounded by the love of my best friends to go through that instead of being alone at home that night. the rest of the night was great. micah got passed around, having more dance offers then i did. =[ haha but i still had fun. he didnt cry until right at the end of the dance and then preceded to eat for the next 20 minutes at least as emily and i left the dance, found her mom, and headed home.

micah kept me up pretty much all night friday. my dog was really confused by this crying baby. it was amusing to watch. on saturday i went to bea's and had fun there. micah officially likes phantom. or at least he respected the fact that i love it and didnt cry through the three hours of the movie. good baby! we had fun spending the day together and went outside for a bit. we were limited in what we could do but took some nice pictures outside. then i went home to an empty house and was lonely. but then my mom and brother came home eventually. micah once again kept me up most of the night. he's a pig. then sunday morning, i had to drag myself out of bed and get ready for church. he didnt cry all through the sermon until the very end. you wouldnt believe the reactions i got from some people. most of the adults that came up to me thought that he was real. so many people did double takes and it made me laugh. also, it was the first time most people had seen me with my braces. many surprised faces. =] i received a jar of dirt from richard...long story. haha. then we headed home.

at four, (W)hoops started. im not much of a basketball player. and with a baby to take care of...it was interesting. i fell on my elbow at one point...made it all tingly for the longest time. i was scared that i hurt it. but its all good. micah only cried near the beginning. good baby once again. the teens were beaten by the parents by 2 points...boo hiss! but it was fun.

youth group was interesting...during free time before youth group actually started, micah got passed around some more...and threatened. some people had some AWFUL IDEAS about how they were going to torture my baby. evil evil people. =P it was singing night for youth group and micah slept through it. one of the songs brought some laughter and great memories back for some of the girls. behold he comes...riding on a cow....yeahhh great times. =DDD

micah slept through most of the lesson. near the end of it he started to cry. i chimed in and it was really loud! i was like oops sry! then he wanted to eat so i decided i could just sit there and feed him. but the noise that he makes when he eats is really really loud when there is only one person talking. so i headed to the back of the church where i could still here mr. k but was far enough away so that i didnt distract anyone. he finally finished eating and i went back and sat down. in less than 2 minutes he started fussing again. when he fusses that soon after eating, it usually means that he needs to be burped. usually. so i stood up to go back and burp him. as i got to the back of the sanctuary tho, he started to cry harder and i realized that he needed to have his diaper changed. megan looked back at just the right moment, saw the panic on my face, ((for i didnt want to go running back up there with a screaming plastic baby to get the diaper)) and came running after me to the bathroom, diaper in hand. i changed him and we calmly headed back out the the sanctuary. we sat down and got settled. THEN he started crying again! i was like *throws hands up in the air and exclaims in frustration* only i couldnt...cuz i was holding a baby. so i chimed him in which was really loud and must have, stupidly, told him to shush...which must have seemed rediculous to those around me and might explain the laughter i heard as i heard towards the back of the sanctuary to feed him again...

then the lesson was over and we had prayer, which micah slept through. good baby!!! after that, kristen, megan, and i headed out to find richard because he still had some surprises for me. one of which we found out was the peppermint tea that he'd been drinking all evening and some of which i had stolen. =] but then he said that megan and kristen couldnt be around to hear. so they skipped off singing "we're off to see the wizard" creating a more awkward atmosphere in their wake. richard, micah and i headed off to the kitchen where richard made more tea and asked me to his formal. =] i said i'd have to check my schedule. kristen had the hilarious idea of penciling in a full day on the day of the formal and then showing richard that i was terribly busy. haha. it was great. =P

i then went home, ate at 10 for the first time since 1 that afternoon, and eventually went to bed. micah kept waking up again and again and always wanted to eat! what a piggy!!! but at 4:30 i prayed that he would just shutup and i could get some sleep, as i had to wake up in about an hour to get ready for school. he did. yay! but then at 7am he "died". so that was the end of micah ayden. i then had to go to school, drop him off at the fcs room, put all the stuff away, and head to my locker. i was late for homeroom and everyone was like HOW WAS THE BABY! and i was like CANT YA TELL!??!?! i felt sooo tired all day. but the day went well and i finally made it home.

then today i woke up with an awful headache...lovely. but i think i really needed the sleep after this weekend.

so thats pretty much a recap of my life in the past two weeks. this has gotten pretty long...so i'll stop. but things coming up...thursday im singing at the talent show, friday im sleeping over at erica's, saturday im working at the youth group car wash fundraiser, and sunday is pretty much going to be my usual crazy sunday that i love! =]

brrchillayy!

its cold.
its almost april.
it should be warm(er)(ish).
i can think of someone right now who is somewhere VERY WARM and im not happy. =D
annddd when he comes back and reads this...he may not be happy either. =P
but having just sampled some peppermint tea ((tehe)) given to me to try...i must say that my EXPERT opinion is its quite tasty. =]
so this is just me talking and trying to write a blog and amuse myself when i could be doing any number of things that may or may not include: sky diving, working on my science project, writing the 67th amendment, sleeping, studying for math test, studying for science test, applying to colleges...the list goes on and on...

before i end this pointless babbling...i must say one thing. by this time next week, i will have something new and not so exciting to show the world. you can draw your own conclusions...

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S EVE EVERYONE!!! =D

NEW YORK NEW YORK!!!

TV/AV/Stage Crew trip to New York City.
The trip itself wasn't anything too spectacular.
But I got some amazing photos and made some GREAT memories.
Here are some of my favs:

I LOVE SHOPPING!

omgsh! what a fun day i had!
no school.
shopping with megan!
everyone says that those philadelphia outlets kinda suck.
but i think that they just dont go shopping with the right people. =]
i got a pair of converse sneakers, a purse, two shirts, a pair of flip and a ton and a half of fun!!!

but now im pooped. and my knee is killing me. but im happy. at least i will be. until about 5:45 tomorrow morning, when that alarm will start to blare and i will have to drag myself out of bed and go to school. woohoo. =/

BUT!
BROADWAY REVUE THIS WEEK!!!!!!!
any questions, comments, or concerns?
feel free to call, email, or IM me at anytime.
thank you!!!
=D

Happy Easter!

my crazyyy family got together today to celebrate with food, games, and family.

im really tired so i'll just overview the day.
we ate.
played games.
ate randomly.
talked about whatever.
played more games.
went home.

well keeping the little ones ((mostly trent)) occupied, i pictured myself with my own kids. AHH! haha.

i always have these dreams that im getting married. but the groom's face is blurred out, like when they sensor things on COPS or something. and when i ((very cleverly)) look at his side of the church as i glide down the isle, its either like looking out at my church on any given sunday, or complete strangers.

and then its like:
preacher: "do you take him to be ur husband"
me: "uhh maybe if i knew who he was?"
preacher: "im sorry but you're not allowed to know that."
me: "GAHHH!!!"

so, like those dreams, i picture myself at one of the family gatherings, with kids and a husband, but an unknown husband. its aggrivating!!!!!!!!!!

anywho.
that really has nothing to do with Easter.
but yeah.
as mrs. k would say>>> "RABBIT TRAIL!"

Daddy's Little Girl

my dad and i started a puzzle last night...at like midnight. haha we're slightly crazy. =]
and we got pretty far. and he started talking. about moving. about cleaning/organizing things. and suddenly he was saying stuff out of nowhere to the effect of my mom getting remarried. it took me a second to realize that was saying he's expecting to die. like soon. i almost lost it. but i didnt want to for some reason. i just felt too shocked to cry, to react at all. and then it was suddenly almost 2am and i had to get up early, so i got ready to go upstairs. then he said he wanted to pray with me. so he held me and he prayed. and when he started to cry, i cried too. but not really. its hard to explain what i felt. i felt like i needed, wanted to cry. but not in front of him. he seems so weak and struggling. i feel like i need to be there for him. so i sat in my room for a while and just cried and prayed, crying out to God in my anguish for my daddy. i felt like i needed someone to just hold me. its at times like these, that i wish i had a boyfriend. ((half joking folks)).

but this daddy's little girl needs to put her trust into her Father more often.

So...

as i sit here with my steaming mug of green tea with peach...i ponder this past week. and well i must say that this break has been quite pointlessly relaxing. =]

so far i havent done anything too crazy or exciting in the real sense of the word. but to me, i've had a blast.
tuesday night i had show choir. my knee popped out. not fun. so the whole night i was dancing and running around ((not by choice, really)) and that made it worse. so by the time i got home i was in some pain. and i've iced it numerous times this week. so that put a damper on my relaxation. ice pack and hobbling. woot woot. anywho. wednesday i slept in til 11:30. which is a unber big deal for me. cuz im like physically unable to sleep in anymore. and i then preceding to do nothing with my day pretty much. thursday i didnt feel so good. but it got gradually better. my headaches are getting worse. so im popping more pills. haha sounds really great i know! =] i made peanut butter cookies on thursday afternoon. the parental units were gone with the little brother and so i had the house to myself. i just made cookies and wasted time away that i could be doing "valuable" school work/projects with. good me! i then headed off to mandi's house for a night of fun and more fun! ((no BUBBLE WRAP as someone who i wont name mentioned.)) we first went to rita's to get some free water ice. and it was COLD! and green apple is goooddd! =D
then we went to her house and abbey ((along with her new braces)) joined us there. we stayed up pretty late watching movies and taking pictures. then we woke up, had some pancakes, took some more pictures, wasted lots of time, then abbey left and i followed soon after. now im home with an awful headache.

so thats pretty much all for now...so exciting i know! tomorrow im helping with my neice lana's birthday party. then my mom and i are probably going shopping to get me an Easter dress. yes folks, A DRESS! woot woot! then probably off to the kasitz's for a night of fun and fellowship and coming home smelling like a campfire. YAY! im excited. then its Easter and a full day of church stuff, family, food, family, food, more family and a TON of food! i cant wait!

SPECIAL REPORT

"WMZRT NEWS AT NOON"
*cue music*

"Good afternoon. I'm Martha Smith. Today, we have a special report, happening now in a small, remote, sometimes called "hickish" town in Pennyslvania. Boyertown was last on our station when a farmer was robbed of his tractor. *pause* It is reported that two girls are running wild through the halls of Boyertown Junior High West at this time. No one knows how to stop them or why they are on this rampage. Our reporter Bob Jones is live on the scene. Bob?"

"yes martha. im here with the principal of the school, mr. g and the superindent of boyertown schools, dr. m. mr. g., what do you have to say on this matter?"

"well bob i must say that we never expected anything like this from joanna manthey. she's been on the high honor roll every quarter in her three years with us. she is involved in music in many ways and has contributated in many ways to our school. all the teachers and most of the students are quite shocked. no one saw this coming."

"yes...but our reports say that there are two girls...who is the other one?"

"well...*looks embarrassed*...we really cant tell you that at this time. she seems to have slipped in...supposedly in joanna manthey's purse this morning. we have some rumors flying around that she is actually joanna's best friend, goes to daniel boone, and is here to "deal with" some problems. but these are all rumors."

*hours later*

bob: "martha, we have confirmed reports that the two girls who were wrecking havoc on the school are in police costudy at this time."

*cue video of gym scene*

"this is a video of when the girls were finally cornered in the gymnasium of the school, where this whole mess started. the trail of destruction they left behind is dizzying. it is reported that at least 15 students were injured in the gym itself. also there were about five other people throughout the school that were taken down. they seemed to know already who they wanted to go after. makes you wonder..."

*camera zooms in on two girls standing in the middle of the gym, armed with hockey sticks, but looking quite innocent, while the swat team moves in.*

"it has been confirmed that Erica Hamel is the accomplice in this crime. she does in fact go to daniel boone and has been known to be a trouble maker before. some teachers are saying that no good has come of her close friendship with Joanna Manthey. some are even considering the possibility that Joanna was brainwashed by Erica. neither girls' parents have been able to be reached. no word yet on any charges or lawsuits. we'll keep you posted. from boyertown pennsylvania, im Bob Jones. back to you martha."

"thank you bob. in other news there was a five car pile up at..."

THE END




:NOTICE:
please note that everything in this story is completely fictional and made up in the minds of ERICA DANIELLE HAMEL and JOANNA SHARON MANTHEY. some real names and places were used for the purpose of making the story exciting and moving it along. but the actually story line is not true. thank you.

babysitting...

last night...well it was fun.
babysitting 5 kids, aged 11 down to 1, plus my little brother. it was crazy. it was mayhem. its my family. =D

at one point i was thinking of what else i could have been doing. i could have gone to the dance. could have slept over at erica's. could have been at home wasting time. but in the end, i was very glad that i didnt.

you know, in school, they give you the Baby Think It Over. its supposed to "prepare" you for having a baby and show how much work it really is. well i think that they should expand the program to a live, FAMILY think it over. its very much more effective. and the "live" part really hits home. speaking from personal experience here. =]

as i was putting the munchkins to bed; brushing teeth, telling stories, tucking in...i found myself thinking into the future and the past. i guess i was sorta dreaming? haha.

i saw myself living alone in a lighthouse by the sea, perfectly content with the life i had chosen. then, i went to babysit my sister's family. and i suddenly wished i had one of my own. but it was too late, for some reason. ((its hard to explain how i knew that...you know in dreams you kinda just KNOW stuff that really doesnt make sense for you to know)) anywho.

then i saw myself in my mom's position. tons of little munchkins running around and me going crazy(er). but then i realized that i was running a daycare and none of them were actually mine.

THEN i saw myself in a nice house somewhere in the suburbs. i was rocking a little baby to sleep. and i knew that it was mine. i didnt know who my husband was, or even if i was married. but i was content to just rock this baby forever.

so yeah. random thoughts of the day. when i say im not getting married, all my friends tell me that i just HAVE to...that all that MOTHER in me cant be wasted on animals in a lighthouse by the sea, or someone else children in a daycare. i guess they're right. im not planning any marriages anytime soon, for those of you who might be thinking that this is all leading up to something. and im not pregnant, so you dont have to worry about that. =]

all im saying is that God works in mysterious ways and no one ever knows how they're life will turn out. so im gonna try to keep an open mind about my future...


PS: a lighthouse by the sea would be a good summer home...=]

stuff

im sooo uber excited for the Broadway Revue now!
*commercial break*
"on thursday, march 27th, boyertown jr high west is pulling out all the stops! come out and support your favorite member(s)!!! it will be a show that will stop you in your tracks and you will never forget your night there!!! like a box of chocolates, you will be able to sample all sorts of broadway music, intermingled with solos and monologues by various members! entrance fee is only $3 and will be donated to a charity ((yet to be announced)). so come on out!!!"

*cut*

sooo....you interested!??!!?!? WELL YOU BETTER BE! i have a solo and a monologue! plus im dancing and singing on stage! who WOULDNT want to see THAT!?!?!? ((dont answer that =] ))

anywho.
im just uber excited about that now.
and people arent bugging me so much.
and its great to just forget about those that are and live my life.
cuz they cant control me. =DDDx10000000000

whew. im tired. all this excitement/singing/dancing/jumping/laughing/loving life is exhausting!

wow-o what a weekend! ((alliterration))

haha. i've had so much fun this weekend. ok...here's the condensed verison:

friday: no school. made fudge. and brownies. got myself ready for friday night. went on an adventure to find the magical land of douglasville with my father. we found kristen's house and dropped off my stuff. then kristen and i took an uber long journey to richard's ((four whole houses!!! *GASPS*)). there we partayed for hours and hours. lots of fun. lots of pictures. i got up to medium on guitar hero. a great success i must say. i still stank pretty badly. but still. i attempted it. even tho, according to some not-so-reliable sources, i looked like forrest gump... *COUGHCOUGHCOUGHRICHARDCOUGHCOUGH*

anywho. then i headed off to kristens. where we stayed up until three, watched hitch ((greattt movie...mmmmm PUMPKIN!!!)) anywhoo. then we decided that we would sleep for a few hours. around three, kristen set the alarm on her mom's cell phone for 6 so that we could get up and do whatever. well...we woke up alright....at 9. apparently...kristen doesnt know the difference between AM and PM. so we got more sleep than we intended. then we drank coffee and attempted to play pool. ((still working on the video)), bugged richard and eric with our giggles and country music, and had lots of fun doing so. =P

i just got home a bit ago. i had much fun and took too many pictures. thanks to those of you that helped make it so much fun. <3

English paper that i actually like!!! zounds!

My name, Rosaline, means little rose. All my life I have been just so: an object of lust, men’s desires. I am quite beautiful, so I have been told. People expect me to enjoy these suitors, these so called lovers who come after me. They expect me to make a decision, but the right one. For these reasons I will never fall in love. I may marry; for there is no way that my father would stand such “appalling” behavior as a spinster daughter. And as I near my seventeenth birthday, he’s fear is greater and greater each day that I should end up so. Being from one of the richest families around, that would be the most dishonorable thing I could do to my family. All anyone ever thinks about is renewing the supply of babies!

No man I have ever met has led me to believe that they are at all interested in my intellect and mind. Behind this pretty face there is a mind, heart, and soul. Men are just after me to claim me, like some prize at a great tournament. Like some ornamental belonging that they will forever boast upon.

If I were plain, or marred by some disease, no one would feel the same. Even if it would happen now, people would just shake their heads and mutter, “What sin has that family committed, that one so pretty would be so brutally ruined!” As if I am worthless without my face! I tell you that men are not treated the same way! Women are only looked at in lustful ways. Men are looked at first by their money, then their looks.

I have known young girls like me who have given up their lives to marry old, fat, doddering men who had nothing more to offer than a comfortable life and a hope that her children, the Lord bless those poor darlings born to that unhappy marriage, will have a better, richer childhood than she herself did.

And when that man, who was so much older than the poor girl, would take ill and die, all would shake their heads and weep and say what a shame it was for one so young to be widowed so soon. And she, with great sorrow of course, could hardly hold back her joy. For now she could be free of his tyrannous rule. After the length of the mourning period, she would court again; get a younger, more suitable man. And live comfortably off her first husband’s money, maybe gaining more when she married the second time.

Fi to love. Fi to hopes and dreams. All that matters in this world is the making of money and more heirs of that money. Does it ever end?

My father “notices” the boys that come courting. Yes, I said boys. Even if they are 50 years old, they are still boys in my eyes. They are immature animals who find it so funny when I try to hold an intelligent conversation with them. They laugh at my opinions and my father glares at me.

I pretend to be silly at times, as that is what is expected of me. My mother taught me that when a man who may be interested in you is around, treat him like a scholar. Find him funny at every turn. Even if you know what is going on, never, EVER enter a conversation on politics or swords. Your opinions don’t matter. When (dare she say if?) you get married, the husband comes first. You are not smarter. You have no say. You are worthless. Well she never said that. But you get the idea? Ridiculous!

To put up with this over and over, you have no idea how tiresome it is! Every time there is a party or a suitor drops by for a chat, mostly with my father, my mother is like a little girl herself. After he is gone, while I'm getting ready to retire, she’ll bustle into my room and giggle. What did you think? Isn’t he handsome? He has lots of money! Your children will be beautiful! I really wish you would mind your manners more.

She just does not understand, though I tell her every time, that I have no need of a husband. She thinks that I'm demon possessed when I utter those “oh so vile” words. How could her only daughter, her precious, beautiful daughter be so vengeful of men? And at her age, too! What is the world coming to? Heaven forbid HER daughter should never marry! Someday, darling, someday.

Like the other night. We were at a party held by the Montagues to celebrate someone’s marriage. That fool of a boy Romeo wouldn’t stop following me around. I tried to be gentle, courteous like my mother taught me. After all I was a guest in his house. But he didn’t get it. Dance after dance he pursued me. Would he never understand! I finally just let it out.

I started out calmly telling him what I really thought of him, but soon lost control of my mouth and volume. A brazen, haughty, shallow, play boy who wouldn’t give anyone who wasn’t beautiful a second look or talk to a girl about the REAL issues of life without laughing and saying that she was cute because she pretended to know what she was talking about!

He looked quite surprised. I must say that I was surprised at the force of the words as the escaped my lips. I stood there, panting slightly at the effort it had taken to let that out. I saw a movement across the room. My mother was fainting. Feigning concern, I left Romeo to ponder my words. As I reached my mother, who was being revived by some ladies in waiting, she glared. She ordered me to get my things and we left at once.

In the carriage, there was total silence for 10 minutes. It felt like forever and a half. When I heard my mother take a deep breath, I knew what was coming. Oh, how she let me have it! My father sat quietly off to the side. At times he seemed like he had something to say, but never did get a chance to say anything. For once he let her talk and talk. For once I wished that he would interrupt her and they would fight with each other; not me.

When we got home, I felt that maybe on this night, I would be spared the usual giggles and games. But not a quarter of an hour later, in waltzes my mother. At first she just stood at the end of my bed and shook her head at me. Then she started out with who she believed were good matches and might, just might, have to humor enough to oversee my little outburst tonight. The choices weren’t many. And not from the households she would have picked, if she had the choice. But a daughter who was too outspoken for her own good couldn’t be picky. She gave me a meaningful glance before bidding me goodnight and leaving.

Just as I was settling down to sleep, calming down from my pent up anger, she popped back in. Oh, and did you see the look on Romeo’s face! He is quite taken with you my dear, or I'm a cooked goose! If only you hadn’t ruined your chances so quickly! Now you know whatever girl gets him will be rubbing it in your face every time you see them. You really should have been more prudent!

How I did not just burst out at her I shall never know. But finally she finished babbling and left. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake. Maybe I should have gotten to know him before I just assumed he was looking at my face and only my face. Drat my mother! Putting these thoughts in my head! I tell you I did not sleep well that night.

The next morning, I regretted it no longer. For who do you suppose showed up and asked me to walk in the gardens with him? I felt my mother’s eyes on me the whole time. I walked at least four feet away from him, barely talking. He looked like a puppy, not an attractive feature. I suddenly wondered if maybe there was something behind those eyes, something that I could fall for. So I stopped. Looked him in the eye for the first time since I was ten and not worried about what HE thought of me. Big mistake. He took that as flirtatious and I saw the joy flash across his face. I started to walk away.

He grabbed my arm, pulled me back, and pleaded. What are you afraid of? So that was it. He thought I was afraid of him. HA! Poor, misguided boy. He must think I'm simple, naïve, and playing hard to get. He must think I'm just like all the other girls, only I'm not mooning over him. He must see me as a challenge. Something to conquer. These thoughts made me sick.
So I told him exactly what I thought of marriage and men. He’s face changed so many times, I could not begin to describe what went on there. I felt that feeling of guilt. That feeling of making this beautiful boy…WHOA! Where ever that came from, I shoved it right back. I could not, would not let this boy’s face make my decisions for me. I left him standing there, all by himself; in the gardens, right next to the rose bushes.

As I entered the house again, I turned back just once. There, on the doorstep, was a single red rose. I watched the slowly retreating back of Romeo fade into the colors of the sunset.

I would never see or hear from him again.

confused. more so than usual.

i dont know whats going on anymore.
as soon as i think i have one thing figured out, something else turns out wrong or just different than i would have liked. but i guess God is just trying to show me gently that im not and cant always be in control. i can think of somethings that He could do that would really get it through to me, which really scares me.
i feel torn in so many ways. never in my life have i had so many guys showing interest in me. i dont know if some of them just got together and decided i would be the victim of this awful prank or what. but thats what it feels like at times. i feel like im betraying them all if i pay any attention to one. but they're all my really really good friends and i never want to lose that. i just feel like no matter who i choose, someone is going to be hurt, some friendship is never going to be the same. and i dont know how i can gently hint at them anymore than i already am.
also, some people may be taking me, the way i am, the way i act, and reading it the wrong way. i just dont know.

i knew that would be taken the wrong way.
always. always.
*sighs*

did i make a mistake?

the lighthouse is looking pretty good right about now...

today...blech.

today i woke up. took a shower. ate breakfast. got ready for school. made coffee concoction! ((tehe)) and headed out to the bus stop. uneventful bus ride. got to school. told ppl about my weekend. headed off to homeroom. my day was going pretty well. no major problems nothing too exciting either. altho science was quite interesting...discovering URMOMIUM newest element...tehe. "WAIT! WE HAVE TO HAND THAT IN!?!?! O NOOO!!!" *falls on the floor laughing* great times. long story.

anywho. so 9th period, a few of us were helping J-Dog ((Mr. Jordan)) by bringing some band stuff from outside in the truck into the band room. it was before orchestra started and there were like three of us in the room. the doors were left open because it was so nice out. i innocently made a comment to the air and erika along the lines of "its so nice outside! maybe we should play out there!" mr. merkley heard me and yelled across the room, "IF ANYONE ELSE SAYS ANYTHInG ABOUT PLAYING OUTSIDE THE DOORS WILL BE SHUT! THAT IS A PRIVILEGE TO LET IN SOME FRESH AIR!" ...*silence*

erika and i just looked at each other. erika:" whats up his butt?"
me: "hmm. must be a bow!" tehe silly us!

but with a start like that, the period didnt go too well. then tenth period was just poop and a half. exactly. then i had to stay after to finish a project which turned out really really badly! poo. and THEN i had to stay for ensemble which im supposed to be doing but dont really have time for it and he has been pressuring me to do and really dont want to. *sighs* but my mom picked me up at 4 and i came home.

then my sister anna made my day. she just told me how proud she was of me and stuff like that. and she said that she's been meaning to tell me that but she always forgets until a time when she cant call. but im glad that she remembered today. i think God knew that i needed it.


so today was good/bad. =/?

lonnnggggg

Guess its been a while since i've blogged. and i've heard it from some people. actually...only ONE! grr. =] but yeah. so this will be a recap/bringing up to date/venting/probably very long blog! ok? ok. lets get started.

last week was interesting. i started out the week with a nasty cold turned sinus nastiness. so at show choir during school i was getting slightly bored since i could barely sing. then, last tuesday night, i could sing a bit more. so i pushed my voice to work and it did. for two hours. i pushed. and sang. and pranced and danced around the stage. but it got a bit old. when one is preparing for a show of all broadway songs/dances, it can really take it out of you, especially if you're sick to start with. so as soon as i stopped, i felt awful. plus i was confronted about nasty drama of the past that people just cant let go of. i mean come on! i have little patience for people who accuse me of being a drama queen/attention getter and then THEY keep dragging it up in my face when its settled and when i've already forgiven them. my patience is like this *indicates with fingers* thin right now and i think they know it. i feel like they're just waiting for me to blow. cuz then they might actually have something REAL to talk about and hold against me. grr.

anywho. so tuesday night after show choir i was feeling quite discouraged with myself and feeling like maybe i do suck at life like they're trying to tell me. so as i stood in the cold wind outside of school, waiting for my father to arrive, i prayed and thought about all that was going on. i felt a bit better, and by the time my father FINALLY did arrive, i was tired/sore/sick but feeling better inside than i had in a while.

wednesday wasnt all that exciting that i remember. but thursday after school we had show choir practice. and i got a monologue for the revue and a part in a children's play. as i was walking out of the school, the wind blowing my hair all around ((i told my mother as i got in the car that i felt like a model in a photo shoot, what with the wind and all the random ppl in cars watching me walk across the parking lot cuz i was the first one to escape.)) i realized that i was, for the first time in a llllooonnnnggggg time, i was UBER EXCITED for this broadway revue! and it made me feel so much better!

friday was an ok school day. but friday evening i went to emily cirullo's house and slept over. we watched some good movies and had some fun times with her baby ((plastic as it was...tehe)) then saturday afternoon i got home around 2, had some time to get ready, make coffee, and then headed off to babysit lana and trent for the evening. i slept over there and went to church with them on sunday morning. then i went home, had lunch, got ready, and headed off to football, then choir, then YOUTH GROUP! which was fun. at football i decided to play red light green light. but the boys werent cooperating for the most part. losers. =]

so that was last week. this has been a bit too long. so i think i'll save today for another time...

Lighthouse Theory

for a while now, i've had this plan.

i am going to be a bitter old spinster living in a lighthouse by the sea.

i shall own assortments of pets to keep me company.

megan mcglinchey will be joining me in my spinster(ish)(ness)(hood).

i will work at walmart, handing out the happy-smile stickers and scaring the little children.

i will also work at mcdonalds and hand out happy meals while spouting off random facts of how obese kids are these days and how they're all gonna DIE!!!

im excited.

=DDD

David Copperfield Remake

As I sit here watching the oldest verison of David Copperfield ever made, I have realized something. As each new character is introduced into this charming story, I see that me, myself, and I could play every single part. It might be a mite difficult at times where there are more than two people in the scene. But I figure that it will all work out.

Another problem might arise doing filming would be playing Jip, who happens to be male, less than a foot tall, rather hairy, and a nasty, rough voice. Yes, he is a dog. =D

But I believe that other than that, I shouldn't have a problem. All the girls are either high-pitched voiced, "delicate" flowers or hearty, no-nonsense characters. Then there are the men. There would be the evil stepfather, the crazy uncle, the creepy wanna be lawyer, the woman-stealing best friend, and then David himself. There is a wider variety with the men, but I feel confident that I will be able to pull that off as well.

So to sum up this thought: I am remaking David Copperfield. I will be playing all the parts, except one. I will be auditioning for that part in a couple weeks. If you know any dogs interested in Jip's part, please have them contact me.

That is all.

My day...

after the last week or so of not sleeping well/enough for various reasons...i need to sleep. i actually didnt wake up until 7:30AM and was on my way to getting ready. but upon moving about my stomach protested and i felt like i was about to throw up. so i decided to wait a bit and sleep some more. plus my daddy couldnt drive and my mom worked last night. so i was just going to go to school when she got home. but then i fell asleep again and she stopped for groceries so she didnt get home until much later. then, in my half awake/half dead stage, she told me i made 14th chair 2nd violin in county orchestra and did i want to go to school? i guess i said no cuz she finally let me go back to sleep and i did so until 5:30PM. then i woke up, came downstairs, ate some food, and now i am writing you this novel just so you can know what i did all day. AKA SLEPT! =DDD

Still...no lives...=D

Once again, we find that Jonah and the Big Fish have no lives! ♥♥♥

But fun?!?!

By the truckload! =DDD

we have no lives...=D

we have no lives.
and we love it. ♥

The Fire

her gaze was drawn
the flashing colors
the shimmering heat
a sight quite like summer
floated before her
reminding her of the day
she had been lost in the embers
glowing still,
but ever cooling.
and then when she
found her way back
into his arms
she knew that the fire
had been kindled again.

im sorry

You were there
When times were good
You held my hand
You laughed along
We made it through
Some awesome nights


But as soon as the wind
Blew from the north
The years that we spent
Making memories of us
Vanished in a instant
Cause I wasn’t happy enough

I’m sorry I couldn’t
Keep up that front
But I couldn't change
What was happening
Just trying to come to grips
That there's nothing,
nothing I can do.
when i needed you most
You made me say
I’m sorry that you think
That i'm no longer enough
I’m sorry that you
Can’t get what you want

But I’m sorrier still
That I have to be sorry...

Memory Lane

those memories that once


made me smile


make me want to


linger awhile.


but i dont belong,


no i cannot stay.


here where the trees


dance and sway.


here where laughter


haunts my steps.


i'll linger while i can.


but must movemyself along.


here on the shady avenue


...Memory Lane.


---jsm

february 5, 2008

Random English Paper/Story

The substitute teacher smiled at the class. Third one of the day and so far everything had been going smoothly. No out of control teenagers had disrupted her feeble attempts at playing "teacher." No one seemed to realize just how much she didn't want to be here, in this high school, instead of having the job of her dreams; with money to spare, a nice car…She shook off these feelings of bitter regret and made herself focus on the waiting class.
"All right class…All right! Please find your seats and we'll get started. My name is Miss Taylor and I am not an English teacher, but I'll do my best. I do know how to read, so we will be getting some work done today. Now please open your books to page 245 and start reading on your own. Mrs. Harriet wants you to get up to page 260 or further so that she can just continue with her lesson plans tomorrow. We'll discuss any questions at 10:45, so make notes if you have questions as you're reading. Please get started."
As soon as the students started reading, Amelia Taylor was starting to drift off into the past. She thought of the life she had been living in high school. How differently she had planned her life. She knew who she would be married to and how many kids she would have. Where they would live and what they would do together. Who they would socialize with and where they would be for what holidays.
But the dreams of the young are seldom realistic or final. The plans she had made were crushed after her graduation party. When she found the boy she absolutely adored, the boy who swore to love her forever, kissing her best friend. The shock of that sight had finally kicked in. Suddenly she wasn't the homecoming queen, daddy's little princess, cheerleading captain, get-everything-my-way-or-else little girl. She was a woman who knew that the world was a horrible, nasty place full of surprises that could turn everything upside down.
She said some pretty nasty things to them both, made them feel guilty, made them beg. She was going to drag it out for as long as she could, but she got fed up with her boyfriend's sudden obsession with her. She knew now that it was all fake. She had no clue how long that had been going on and knew that things would never be the same.
She had packed up and headed off to college, her plans changing drastically. She had planned on going to college and partying away all her parents' money. She wanted so badly to just go back to those innocent nights of the teenage years, before her world was shaken like a snow globe. But now she decided to take her major in architecture seriously. Everyone seemed surprised back in November at her choice of majors. But she knew that if she decided to pursue something, it could be something that sounded exciting and promised a fairly good paycheck. She didn't want to be living off Daddy's money forever.
She glanced over the classroom, took in the potted plants, the orderly setup Mrs. Harriet had going here. The shelves and shelves of books. Over the teenagers in the room. Her roaming eyes took in two girls giggling over a sheet of paper, a note from one of their boyfriends no doubt. She cleared her throat slightly, they're giggling stopped immediately and they focused very intently on their textbooks. She glanced at the clock. Only 10:15. She continued her surveillance of the students. Suddenly, she did a double take. There in the middle row next to the windows. A boy, so distantly familiar, yet she was getting chills.
He wasn't especially good looking. He seemed to be a loner of sorts. At least he seemed focused on his work. But that's not why he had caught her eye. Funny that someone so unlike Warren would catch her eye, after so many years. Funny that it would be someone so unlike her former boyfriend.
Warren: six foot two quarterback on the football team, forward on the basketball team, and pitcher on the baseball team. An all-around athlete. The ring leader of the popular jocks. This boy was scrawny, timid looking. He couldn't be more than five foot seven or eight. Warren had glowed with self confidence and an attitude that could easily come off as being cockiness. He was the handsome boy who everyone wished would notice them, even some of the younger teachers. He had so much going for him. This boy looked engrossed in his work and that was another major difference in them. Warren had been the loud, class clown who got away with it. Teachers would just shake their heads and try to move on. He hadn't been completely rude to them, but he got close many times.
Amelia shuffled through the papers in the substitute's folder Mrs. Harriet had left and came up with the seating chart. She found the boy's picture, obviously from the previous year. Underneath the picture of the younger version of this boy was the name: David Raymond. She knew that if his name had started with a "W" she might have had to go in the hall and take a deep, deep breath. As it was she decided to walk through the classroom to calm down and see how the students were doing.
"Is anyone finished yet?"
About seven hands went up in the air. She glanced at the clock. "In ten minutes we'll go over any questions, so just get as far as you can in that amount of time."
She started up and down the rows, glancing down at the open books and slouching backs. Along the way she woke three students, picked up five pencils, tripped over a few purses, and confiscated at least ten notes.
When she got around to the windows, she paused a few desks away from David Raymond. He was staring at the page as if he was reading intently what the author had left there. As she slowly made her way up his row, she realized with a start that he was not staring at the writing as she had thought. He was staring at the painting on the opposite page. It was a painting of a beautiful landscape, done by one of the European artists or another. She calmly walked right by him and sat at the desk again, as if nothing had happened.
The painting reminded her of another time of bitter disappointment in her life. Job seeking can be testing on anyone. But she seemed to take it harder. Rejection after rejection did not help her already negative outlook at on the real world. One time in particular. She was positive that the painting on the wall was a good sign. The same painting that was in the book. It was so pleasant, so inviting. And this was her second interview here. She had been hopefully. She had been crushed.
So here she was, a substitute teacher. She was living in a small apartment on a small paycheck. She worked part-time at the local grocery store. Her parents had wanted her to stay around. After that party, she had murder on her mind. She figured that moving a couple states away would help her cool down.
Someone's hand was raised. "Miss Taylor? It's been about ten minutes. Can we start discussing?"
With a start she realized that she had been daydreaming far too much and hadn't even glanced over the reading. She stood and walked to the front of the room, taking the big teacher's book with her, hoping the notes from Mrs. Harriet and the footnotes in the book would be good enough crutches for the time being.
"Alright. Does anyone have a question on a certain part of the story?" She pointed to the girl who had first spoken. Obviously a nerd. Amelia thought it before she could stop herself.
"When the king finally decides to let the brave captain go to fight the dragon, on page 255, third paragraph from the bottom…"
Half the class groaned. Clearly she had gotten much farther than they liked. Amelia guessed that they hadn't read it...
"Let's have someone read that paragraph so we can better understand what your question is." She glanced casually at the seating chart. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the girl raising her hand again, almost frantically. Amelia knew that she wanted to read it, but felt the need to do a kind of justice. "David Raymond. Please read page 255, the third paragraph from the bottom."
"No, thank you."
She felt her face getting warm. "I was not giving you a choice. You will read."
"I said, no thank you." She was positive she saw direct defiance in those eyes. Probably the only thing that David Raymond had in common with Warren: those hazel eyes speckled with gold. She set her jaw and walked up to his desk.
"What do you think this is? I asked you to read. We need you to read this section so we can better understand the question being asked. Why is this so hard?"
Warren when he would tease and poke fun at her, those summer nights when he would drive her out into the fields outside of town. When they would lay in the bed of his pickup and listen to the crickets. Then he would steal her shoes and start to run. She was athletic too, but he was too fast. He would run in circles around her, tossing her sandals in the air, catching them and running again as she lunged for them. Her jaw tightened until she could hear the grinding.
"To the office. NOW!" Her hand was shaking as she held it out, pointing to the door. He looked at her in disbelief. Then slowly, he picked up his books, stood, and strode silently out the door.
The pressure in her jaw suddenly ended with a pop and she could have screamed at the feeling of her jaw practically breaking. Turning her back on the class, she made her way back to the desk. The students were looking at each other as she laid the textbook and seating chart down and rubbed her neck. Three hands shot up, more following.
"Miss Taylor?"
She was staring at the seating chart. She noticed the star next to David Raymond's name for the first time. Turning the page over, she read the note. Dropping into the chair, she let the tears fall. Soon she was sobbing. She heard voices around her. Someone was going for the nurse and the principal. Someone placed a box of tissues at her arm. Faintly, she heard conversation going on around her.
"Didn't Mrs. Harriet tell her that David was dyslexic?"