so i've been told that i need to keep up with this. so i will.
random update on my life: recently one of my best friends for about 3 years told me quite clearly that she no longer wanted to be so anymore. i had been feeling a sense of change around her for a while but chose to ignore it and try to move past it. but it got worse and worse until finally i confronted her about it. she said nothing was wrong. then later i asked her again and she said that we had nothing in common anymore. which is in no way true. i had nothing to say to her after that although i considered many things. but i decided to be the bigger person and give her space.
in talking to other good friends about this whole deal and getting some outside opinions on the matter, i realized a few things: others were noticing that she was pushing me slowly out of her life (for another "best friend") and that i had real friends waiting to show me what the word friendship really means. i realized also that i had been shutting out some friends because of my closeness to these "best" friends. i felt terrible that i had been ditched. but relieved that i now knew who i could truely trust. i had been struggling to figure out what i had done wrong that made her treat me this way. but i then realized that i didnt need to do that. i prayed about it and talked to some people and worked out some things in my mind.
first: there is nothing i can do to make her be my best friend. best friend is a choice on both individuals' parts and cant be forced or cant be real.
second: a true friend wouldn't do this to a best or even good friend without a good reason. maybe its true that we don't have as much in common as we used to.
three: she needs time to decide if this is really what she wants to do. she's said and done a lot of things that she may not have thought about all the way through.
four: i have other friends out there for me. she's not the only one i've got. now i can focus on the friends that really care for me and have always been so. the ones that i've shut out unknowingly, yet still are there for me now. and the ones that i cant thank enough for that fact.
over all i think this experience has been very good for me. i had my good cry about it and found out who my true friends are.
i just want to say that no matter what happens...i am still her friend. if not her best friend anymore..im still her friend. at first i wanted to say and do all sorts of mean, horrible things to make her feel sorry for doing this to me. but thats not what God wants and not what she deserves. she may have hurt me now, but who knows what i can do for her later in life. i just want her to know that im here, and will be even though she said she doesnt want to be there for me. this is the love that God shows us. and the love that im trying to show her with God's help.
