its cold.
its almost april.
it should be warm(er)(ish).
i can think of someone right now who is somewhere VERY WARM and im not happy. =D
annddd when he comes back and reads this...he may not be happy either. =P
but having just sampled some peppermint tea ((tehe)) given to me to try...i must say that my EXPERT opinion is its quite tasty. =]
so this is just me talking and trying to write a blog and amuse myself when i could be doing any number of things that may or may not include: sky diving, working on my science project, writing the 67th amendment, sleeping, studying for math test, studying for science test, applying to colleges...the list goes on and on...
before i end this pointless babbling...i must say one thing. by this time next week, i will have something new and not so exciting to show the world. you can draw your own conclusions...
HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S EVE EVERYONE!!! =D
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
I LOVE SHOPPING!
omgsh! what a fun day i had!
no school.
shopping with megan!
everyone says that those philadelphia outlets kinda suck.
but i think that they just dont go shopping with the right people. =]
i got a pair of converse sneakers, a purse, two shirts, a pair of flip and a ton and a half of fun!!!
but now im pooped. and my knee is killing me. but im happy. at least i will be. until about 5:45 tomorrow morning, when that alarm will start to blare and i will have to drag myself out of bed and go to school. woohoo. =/
BUT!
BROADWAY REVUE THIS WEEK!!!!!!!
any questions, comments, or concerns?
feel free to call, email, or IM me at anytime.
thank you!!!
=D
no school.
shopping with megan!
everyone says that those philadelphia outlets kinda suck.
but i think that they just dont go shopping with the right people. =]
i got a pair of converse sneakers, a purse, two shirts, a pair of flip and a ton and a half of fun!!!
but now im pooped. and my knee is killing me. but im happy. at least i will be. until about 5:45 tomorrow morning, when that alarm will start to blare and i will have to drag myself out of bed and go to school. woohoo. =/
BUT!
BROADWAY REVUE THIS WEEK!!!!!!!
any questions, comments, or concerns?
feel free to call, email, or IM me at anytime.
thank you!!!
=D
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter!
my crazyyy family got together today to celebrate with food, games, and family.
im really tired so i'll just overview the day.
we ate.
played games.
ate randomly.
talked about whatever.
played more games.
went home.
well keeping the little ones ((mostly trent)) occupied, i pictured myself with my own kids. AHH! haha.
i always have these dreams that im getting married. but the groom's face is blurred out, like when they sensor things on COPS or something. and when i ((very cleverly)) look at his side of the church as i glide down the isle, its either like looking out at my church on any given sunday, or complete strangers.
and then its like:
preacher: "do you take him to be ur husband"
me: "uhh maybe if i knew who he was?"
preacher: "im sorry but you're not allowed to know that."
me: "GAHHH!!!"
so, like those dreams, i picture myself at one of the family gatherings, with kids and a husband, but an unknown husband. its aggrivating!!!!!!!!!!
anywho.
that really has nothing to do with Easter.
but yeah.
as mrs. k would say>>> "RABBIT TRAIL!"
im really tired so i'll just overview the day.
we ate.
played games.
ate randomly.
talked about whatever.
played more games.
went home.
well keeping the little ones ((mostly trent)) occupied, i pictured myself with my own kids. AHH! haha.
i always have these dreams that im getting married. but the groom's face is blurred out, like when they sensor things on COPS or something. and when i ((very cleverly)) look at his side of the church as i glide down the isle, its either like looking out at my church on any given sunday, or complete strangers.
and then its like:
preacher: "do you take him to be ur husband"
me: "uhh maybe if i knew who he was?"
preacher: "im sorry but you're not allowed to know that."
me: "GAHHH!!!"
so, like those dreams, i picture myself at one of the family gatherings, with kids and a husband, but an unknown husband. its aggrivating!!!!!!!!!!
anywho.
that really has nothing to do with Easter.
but yeah.
as mrs. k would say>>> "RABBIT TRAIL!"
Daddy's Little Girl
my dad and i started a puzzle last night...at like midnight. haha we're slightly crazy. =]
and we got pretty far. and he started talking. about moving. about cleaning/organizing things. and suddenly he was saying stuff out of nowhere to the effect of my mom getting remarried. it took me a second to realize that was saying he's expecting to die. like soon. i almost lost it. but i didnt want to for some reason. i just felt too shocked to cry, to react at all. and then it was suddenly almost 2am and i had to get up early, so i got ready to go upstairs. then he said he wanted to pray with me. so he held me and he prayed. and when he started to cry, i cried too. but not really. its hard to explain what i felt. i felt like i needed, wanted to cry. but not in front of him. he seems so weak and struggling. i feel like i need to be there for him. so i sat in my room for a while and just cried and prayed, crying out to God in my anguish for my daddy. i felt like i needed someone to just hold me. its at times like these, that i wish i had a boyfriend. ((half joking folks)).
but this daddy's little girl needs to put her trust into her Father more often.
and we got pretty far. and he started talking. about moving. about cleaning/organizing things. and suddenly he was saying stuff out of nowhere to the effect of my mom getting remarried. it took me a second to realize that was saying he's expecting to die. like soon. i almost lost it. but i didnt want to for some reason. i just felt too shocked to cry, to react at all. and then it was suddenly almost 2am and i had to get up early, so i got ready to go upstairs. then he said he wanted to pray with me. so he held me and he prayed. and when he started to cry, i cried too. but not really. its hard to explain what i felt. i felt like i needed, wanted to cry. but not in front of him. he seems so weak and struggling. i feel like i need to be there for him. so i sat in my room for a while and just cried and prayed, crying out to God in my anguish for my daddy. i felt like i needed someone to just hold me. its at times like these, that i wish i had a boyfriend. ((half joking folks)).
but this daddy's little girl needs to put her trust into her Father more often.
Friday, March 21, 2008
So...
as i sit here with my steaming mug of green tea with peach...i ponder this past week. and well i must say that this break has been quite pointlessly relaxing. =]
so far i havent done anything too crazy or exciting in the real sense of the word. but to me, i've had a blast.
tuesday night i had show choir. my knee popped out. not fun. so the whole night i was dancing and running around ((not by choice, really)) and that made it worse. so by the time i got home i was in some pain. and i've iced it numerous times this week. so that put a damper on my relaxation. ice pack and hobbling. woot woot. anywho. wednesday i slept in til 11:30. which is a unber big deal for me. cuz im like physically unable to sleep in anymore. and i then preceding to do nothing with my day pretty much. thursday i didnt feel so good. but it got gradually better. my headaches are getting worse. so im popping more pills. haha sounds really great i know! =] i made peanut butter cookies on thursday afternoon. the parental units were gone with the little brother and so i had the house to myself. i just made cookies and wasted time away that i could be doing "valuable" school work/projects with. good me! i then headed off to mandi's house for a night of fun and more fun! ((no BUBBLE WRAP as someone who i wont name mentioned.)) we first went to rita's to get some free water ice. and it was COLD! and green apple is goooddd! =D
then we went to her house and abbey ((along with her new braces)) joined us there. we stayed up pretty late watching movies and taking pictures. then we woke up, had some pancakes, took some more pictures, wasted lots of time, then abbey left and i followed soon after. now im home with an awful headache.
so thats pretty much all for now...so exciting i know! tomorrow im helping with my neice lana's birthday party. then my mom and i are probably going shopping to get me an Easter dress. yes folks, A DRESS! woot woot! then probably off to the kasitz's for a night of fun and fellowship and coming home smelling like a campfire. YAY! im excited. then its Easter and a full day of church stuff, family, food, family, food, more family and a TON of food! i cant wait!
so far i havent done anything too crazy or exciting in the real sense of the word. but to me, i've had a blast.
tuesday night i had show choir. my knee popped out. not fun. so the whole night i was dancing and running around ((not by choice, really)) and that made it worse. so by the time i got home i was in some pain. and i've iced it numerous times this week. so that put a damper on my relaxation. ice pack and hobbling. woot woot. anywho. wednesday i slept in til 11:30. which is a unber big deal for me. cuz im like physically unable to sleep in anymore. and i then preceding to do nothing with my day pretty much. thursday i didnt feel so good. but it got gradually better. my headaches are getting worse. so im popping more pills. haha sounds really great i know! =] i made peanut butter cookies on thursday afternoon. the parental units were gone with the little brother and so i had the house to myself. i just made cookies and wasted time away that i could be doing "valuable" school work/projects with. good me! i then headed off to mandi's house for a night of fun and more fun! ((no BUBBLE WRAP as someone who i wont name mentioned.)) we first went to rita's to get some free water ice. and it was COLD! and green apple is goooddd! =D
then we went to her house and abbey ((along with her new braces)) joined us there. we stayed up pretty late watching movies and taking pictures. then we woke up, had some pancakes, took some more pictures, wasted lots of time, then abbey left and i followed soon after. now im home with an awful headache.
so thats pretty much all for now...so exciting i know! tomorrow im helping with my neice lana's birthday party. then my mom and i are probably going shopping to get me an Easter dress. yes folks, A DRESS! woot woot! then probably off to the kasitz's for a night of fun and fellowship and coming home smelling like a campfire. YAY! im excited. then its Easter and a full day of church stuff, family, food, family, food, more family and a TON of food! i cant wait!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
SPECIAL REPORT
"WMZRT NEWS AT NOON"
*cue music*
"Good afternoon. I'm Martha Smith. Today, we have a special report, happening now in a small, remote, sometimes called "hickish" town in Pennyslvania. Boyertown was last on our station when a farmer was robbed of his tractor. *pause* It is reported that two girls are running wild through the halls of Boyertown Junior High West at this time. No one knows how to stop them or why they are on this rampage. Our reporter Bob Jones is live on the scene. Bob?"
"yes martha. im here with the principal of the school, mr. g and the superindent of boyertown schools, dr. m. mr. g., what do you have to say on this matter?"
"well bob i must say that we never expected anything like this from joanna manthey. she's been on the high honor roll every quarter in her three years with us. she is involved in music in many ways and has contributated in many ways to our school. all the teachers and most of the students are quite shocked. no one saw this coming."
"yes...but our reports say that there are two girls...who is the other one?"
"well...*looks embarrassed*...we really cant tell you that at this time. she seems to have slipped in...supposedly in joanna manthey's purse this morning. we have some rumors flying around that she is actually joanna's best friend, goes to daniel boone, and is here to "deal with" some problems. but these are all rumors."
*hours later*
bob: "martha, we have confirmed reports that the two girls who were wrecking havoc on the school are in police costudy at this time."
*cue video of gym scene*
"this is a video of when the girls were finally cornered in the gymnasium of the school, where this whole mess started. the trail of destruction they left behind is dizzying. it is reported that at least 15 students were injured in the gym itself. also there were about five other people throughout the school that were taken down. they seemed to know already who they wanted to go after. makes you wonder..."
*camera zooms in on two girls standing in the middle of the gym, armed with hockey sticks, but looking quite innocent, while the swat team moves in.*
"it has been confirmed that Erica Hamel is the accomplice in this crime. she does in fact go to daniel boone and has been known to be a trouble maker before. some teachers are saying that no good has come of her close friendship with Joanna Manthey. some are even considering the possibility that Joanna was brainwashed by Erica. neither girls' parents have been able to be reached. no word yet on any charges or lawsuits. we'll keep you posted. from boyertown pennsylvania, im Bob Jones. back to you martha."
"thank you bob. in other news there was a five car pile up at..."
THE END
:NOTICE:
please note that everything in this story is completely fictional and made up in the minds of ERICA DANIELLE HAMEL and JOANNA SHARON MANTHEY. some real names and places were used for the purpose of making the story exciting and moving it along. but the actually story line is not true. thank you.
*cue music*
"Good afternoon. I'm Martha Smith. Today, we have a special report, happening now in a small, remote, sometimes called "hickish" town in Pennyslvania. Boyertown was last on our station when a farmer was robbed of his tractor. *pause* It is reported that two girls are running wild through the halls of Boyertown Junior High West at this time. No one knows how to stop them or why they are on this rampage. Our reporter Bob Jones is live on the scene. Bob?"
"yes martha. im here with the principal of the school, mr. g and the superindent of boyertown schools, dr. m. mr. g., what do you have to say on this matter?"
"well bob i must say that we never expected anything like this from joanna manthey. she's been on the high honor roll every quarter in her three years with us. she is involved in music in many ways and has contributated in many ways to our school. all the teachers and most of the students are quite shocked. no one saw this coming."
"yes...but our reports say that there are two girls...who is the other one?"
"well...*looks embarrassed*...we really cant tell you that at this time. she seems to have slipped in...supposedly in joanna manthey's purse this morning. we have some rumors flying around that she is actually joanna's best friend, goes to daniel boone, and is here to "deal with" some problems. but these are all rumors."
*hours later*
bob: "martha, we have confirmed reports that the two girls who were wrecking havoc on the school are in police costudy at this time."
*cue video of gym scene*
"this is a video of when the girls were finally cornered in the gymnasium of the school, where this whole mess started. the trail of destruction they left behind is dizzying. it is reported that at least 15 students were injured in the gym itself. also there were about five other people throughout the school that were taken down. they seemed to know already who they wanted to go after. makes you wonder..."
*camera zooms in on two girls standing in the middle of the gym, armed with hockey sticks, but looking quite innocent, while the swat team moves in.*
"it has been confirmed that Erica Hamel is the accomplice in this crime. she does in fact go to daniel boone and has been known to be a trouble maker before. some teachers are saying that no good has come of her close friendship with Joanna Manthey. some are even considering the possibility that Joanna was brainwashed by Erica. neither girls' parents have been able to be reached. no word yet on any charges or lawsuits. we'll keep you posted. from boyertown pennsylvania, im Bob Jones. back to you martha."
"thank you bob. in other news there was a five car pile up at..."
THE END
:NOTICE:
please note that everything in this story is completely fictional and made up in the minds of ERICA DANIELLE HAMEL and JOANNA SHARON MANTHEY. some real names and places were used for the purpose of making the story exciting and moving it along. but the actually story line is not true. thank you.
babysitting...
last night...well it was fun.
babysitting 5 kids, aged 11 down to 1, plus my little brother. it was crazy. it was mayhem. its my family. =D
at one point i was thinking of what else i could have been doing. i could have gone to the dance. could have slept over at erica's. could have been at home wasting time. but in the end, i was very glad that i didnt.
you know, in school, they give you the Baby Think It Over. its supposed to "prepare" you for having a baby and show how much work it really is. well i think that they should expand the program to a live, FAMILY think it over. its very much more effective. and the "live" part really hits home. speaking from personal experience here. =]
as i was putting the munchkins to bed; brushing teeth, telling stories, tucking in...i found myself thinking into the future and the past. i guess i was sorta dreaming? haha.
i saw myself living alone in a lighthouse by the sea, perfectly content with the life i had chosen. then, i went to babysit my sister's family. and i suddenly wished i had one of my own. but it was too late, for some reason. ((its hard to explain how i knew that...you know in dreams you kinda just KNOW stuff that really doesnt make sense for you to know)) anywho.
then i saw myself in my mom's position. tons of little munchkins running around and me going crazy(er). but then i realized that i was running a daycare and none of them were actually mine.
THEN i saw myself in a nice house somewhere in the suburbs. i was rocking a little baby to sleep. and i knew that it was mine. i didnt know who my husband was, or even if i was married. but i was content to just rock this baby forever.
so yeah. random thoughts of the day. when i say im not getting married, all my friends tell me that i just HAVE to...that all that MOTHER in me cant be wasted on animals in a lighthouse by the sea, or someone else children in a daycare. i guess they're right. im not planning any marriages anytime soon, for those of you who might be thinking that this is all leading up to something. and im not pregnant, so you dont have to worry about that. =]
all im saying is that God works in mysterious ways and no one ever knows how they're life will turn out. so im gonna try to keep an open mind about my future...
PS: a lighthouse by the sea would be a good summer home...=]
babysitting 5 kids, aged 11 down to 1, plus my little brother. it was crazy. it was mayhem. its my family. =D
at one point i was thinking of what else i could have been doing. i could have gone to the dance. could have slept over at erica's. could have been at home wasting time. but in the end, i was very glad that i didnt.
you know, in school, they give you the Baby Think It Over. its supposed to "prepare" you for having a baby and show how much work it really is. well i think that they should expand the program to a live, FAMILY think it over. its very much more effective. and the "live" part really hits home. speaking from personal experience here. =]
as i was putting the munchkins to bed; brushing teeth, telling stories, tucking in...i found myself thinking into the future and the past. i guess i was sorta dreaming? haha.
i saw myself living alone in a lighthouse by the sea, perfectly content with the life i had chosen. then, i went to babysit my sister's family. and i suddenly wished i had one of my own. but it was too late, for some reason. ((its hard to explain how i knew that...you know in dreams you kinda just KNOW stuff that really doesnt make sense for you to know)) anywho.
then i saw myself in my mom's position. tons of little munchkins running around and me going crazy(er). but then i realized that i was running a daycare and none of them were actually mine.
THEN i saw myself in a nice house somewhere in the suburbs. i was rocking a little baby to sleep. and i knew that it was mine. i didnt know who my husband was, or even if i was married. but i was content to just rock this baby forever.
so yeah. random thoughts of the day. when i say im not getting married, all my friends tell me that i just HAVE to...that all that MOTHER in me cant be wasted on animals in a lighthouse by the sea, or someone else children in a daycare. i guess they're right. im not planning any marriages anytime soon, for those of you who might be thinking that this is all leading up to something. and im not pregnant, so you dont have to worry about that. =]
all im saying is that God works in mysterious ways and no one ever knows how they're life will turn out. so im gonna try to keep an open mind about my future...
PS: a lighthouse by the sea would be a good summer home...=]
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
stuff
im sooo uber excited for the Broadway Revue now!
*commercial break*
"on thursday, march 27th, boyertown jr high west is pulling out all the stops! come out and support your favorite member(s)!!! it will be a show that will stop you in your tracks and you will never forget your night there!!! like a box of chocolates, you will be able to sample all sorts of broadway music, intermingled with solos and monologues by various members! entrance fee is only $3 and will be donated to a charity ((yet to be announced)). so come on out!!!"
*cut*
sooo....you interested!??!!?!? WELL YOU BETTER BE! i have a solo and a monologue! plus im dancing and singing on stage! who WOULDNT want to see THAT!?!?!? ((dont answer that =] ))
anywho.
im just uber excited about that now.
and people arent bugging me so much.
and its great to just forget about those that are and live my life.
cuz they cant control me. =DDDx10000000000
whew. im tired. all this excitement/singing/dancing/jumping/laughing/loving life is exhausting!
*commercial break*
"on thursday, march 27th, boyertown jr high west is pulling out all the stops! come out and support your favorite member(s)!!! it will be a show that will stop you in your tracks and you will never forget your night there!!! like a box of chocolates, you will be able to sample all sorts of broadway music, intermingled with solos and monologues by various members! entrance fee is only $3 and will be donated to a charity ((yet to be announced)). so come on out!!!"
*cut*
sooo....you interested!??!!?!? WELL YOU BETTER BE! i have a solo and a monologue! plus im dancing and singing on stage! who WOULDNT want to see THAT!?!?!? ((dont answer that =] ))
anywho.
im just uber excited about that now.
and people arent bugging me so much.
and its great to just forget about those that are and live my life.
cuz they cant control me. =DDDx10000000000
whew. im tired. all this excitement/singing/dancing/jumping/laughing/loving life is exhausting!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
wow-o what a weekend! ((alliterration))
haha. i've had so much fun this weekend. ok...here's the condensed verison:
friday: no school. made fudge. and brownies. got myself ready for friday night. went on an adventure to find the magical land of douglasville with my father. we found kristen's house and dropped off my stuff. then kristen and i took an uber long journey to richard's ((four whole houses!!! *GASPS*)). there we partayed for hours and hours. lots of fun. lots of pictures. i got up to medium on guitar hero. a great success i must say. i still stank pretty badly. but still. i attempted it. even tho, according to some not-so-reliable sources, i looked like forrest gump... *COUGHCOUGHCOUGHRICHARDCOUGHCOUGH*
anywho. then i headed off to kristens. where we stayed up until three, watched hitch ((greattt movie...mmmmm PUMPKIN!!!)) anywhoo. then we decided that we would sleep for a few hours. around three, kristen set the alarm on her mom's cell phone for 6 so that we could get up and do whatever. well...we woke up alright....at 9. apparently...kristen doesnt know the difference between AM and PM. so we got more sleep than we intended. then we drank coffee and attempted to play pool. ((still working on the video)), bugged richard and eric with our giggles and country music, and had lots of fun doing so. =P
i just got home a bit ago. i had much fun and took too many pictures. thanks to those of you that helped make it so much fun. <3
friday: no school. made fudge. and brownies. got myself ready for friday night. went on an adventure to find the magical land of douglasville with my father. we found kristen's house and dropped off my stuff. then kristen and i took an uber long journey to richard's ((four whole houses!!! *GASPS*)). there we partayed for hours and hours. lots of fun. lots of pictures. i got up to medium on guitar hero. a great success i must say. i still stank pretty badly. but still. i attempted it. even tho, according to some not-so-reliable sources, i looked like forrest gump... *COUGHCOUGHCOUGHRICHARDCOUGHCOUGH*
anywho. then i headed off to kristens. where we stayed up until three, watched hitch ((greattt movie...mmmmm PUMPKIN!!!)) anywhoo. then we decided that we would sleep for a few hours. around three, kristen set the alarm on her mom's cell phone for 6 so that we could get up and do whatever. well...we woke up alright....at 9. apparently...kristen doesnt know the difference between AM and PM. so we got more sleep than we intended. then we drank coffee and attempted to play pool. ((still working on the video)), bugged richard and eric with our giggles and country music, and had lots of fun doing so. =P
i just got home a bit ago. i had much fun and took too many pictures. thanks to those of you that helped make it so much fun. <3
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
English paper that i actually like!!! zounds!
My name, Rosaline, means little rose. All my life I have been just so: an object of lust, men’s desires. I am quite beautiful, so I have been told. People expect me to enjoy these suitors, these so called lovers who come after me. They expect me to make a decision, but the right one. For these reasons I will never fall in love. I may marry; for there is no way that my father would stand such “appalling” behavior as a spinster daughter. And as I near my seventeenth birthday, he’s fear is greater and greater each day that I should end up so. Being from one of the richest families around, that would be the most dishonorable thing I could do to my family. All anyone ever thinks about is renewing the supply of babies!
No man I have ever met has led me to believe that they are at all interested in my intellect and mind. Behind this pretty face there is a mind, heart, and soul. Men are just after me to claim me, like some prize at a great tournament. Like some ornamental belonging that they will forever boast upon.
If I were plain, or marred by some disease, no one would feel the same. Even if it would happen now, people would just shake their heads and mutter, “What sin has that family committed, that one so pretty would be so brutally ruined!” As if I am worthless without my face! I tell you that men are not treated the same way! Women are only looked at in lustful ways. Men are looked at first by their money, then their looks.
I have known young girls like me who have given up their lives to marry old, fat, doddering men who had nothing more to offer than a comfortable life and a hope that her children, the Lord bless those poor darlings born to that unhappy marriage, will have a better, richer childhood than she herself did.
And when that man, who was so much older than the poor girl, would take ill and die, all would shake their heads and weep and say what a shame it was for one so young to be widowed so soon. And she, with great sorrow of course, could hardly hold back her joy. For now she could be free of his tyrannous rule. After the length of the mourning period, she would court again; get a younger, more suitable man. And live comfortably off her first husband’s money, maybe gaining more when she married the second time.
Fi to love. Fi to hopes and dreams. All that matters in this world is the making of money and more heirs of that money. Does it ever end?
My father “notices” the boys that come courting. Yes, I said boys. Even if they are 50 years old, they are still boys in my eyes. They are immature animals who find it so funny when I try to hold an intelligent conversation with them. They laugh at my opinions and my father glares at me.
I pretend to be silly at times, as that is what is expected of me. My mother taught me that when a man who may be interested in you is around, treat him like a scholar. Find him funny at every turn. Even if you know what is going on, never, EVER enter a conversation on politics or swords. Your opinions don’t matter. When (dare she say if?) you get married, the husband comes first. You are not smarter. You have no say. You are worthless. Well she never said that. But you get the idea? Ridiculous!
To put up with this over and over, you have no idea how tiresome it is! Every time there is a party or a suitor drops by for a chat, mostly with my father, my mother is like a little girl herself. After he is gone, while I'm getting ready to retire, she’ll bustle into my room and giggle. What did you think? Isn’t he handsome? He has lots of money! Your children will be beautiful! I really wish you would mind your manners more.
She just does not understand, though I tell her every time, that I have no need of a husband. She thinks that I'm demon possessed when I utter those “oh so vile” words. How could her only daughter, her precious, beautiful daughter be so vengeful of men? And at her age, too! What is the world coming to? Heaven forbid HER daughter should never marry! Someday, darling, someday.
Like the other night. We were at a party held by the Montagues to celebrate someone’s marriage. That fool of a boy Romeo wouldn’t stop following me around. I tried to be gentle, courteous like my mother taught me. After all I was a guest in his house. But he didn’t get it. Dance after dance he pursued me. Would he never understand! I finally just let it out.
I started out calmly telling him what I really thought of him, but soon lost control of my mouth and volume. A brazen, haughty, shallow, play boy who wouldn’t give anyone who wasn’t beautiful a second look or talk to a girl about the REAL issues of life without laughing and saying that she was cute because she pretended to know what she was talking about!
He looked quite surprised. I must say that I was surprised at the force of the words as the escaped my lips. I stood there, panting slightly at the effort it had taken to let that out. I saw a movement across the room. My mother was fainting. Feigning concern, I left Romeo to ponder my words. As I reached my mother, who was being revived by some ladies in waiting, she glared. She ordered me to get my things and we left at once.
In the carriage, there was total silence for 10 minutes. It felt like forever and a half. When I heard my mother take a deep breath, I knew what was coming. Oh, how she let me have it! My father sat quietly off to the side. At times he seemed like he had something to say, but never did get a chance to say anything. For once he let her talk and talk. For once I wished that he would interrupt her and they would fight with each other; not me.
When we got home, I felt that maybe on this night, I would be spared the usual giggles and games. But not a quarter of an hour later, in waltzes my mother. At first she just stood at the end of my bed and shook her head at me. Then she started out with who she believed were good matches and might, just might, have to humor enough to oversee my little outburst tonight. The choices weren’t many. And not from the households she would have picked, if she had the choice. But a daughter who was too outspoken for her own good couldn’t be picky. She gave me a meaningful glance before bidding me goodnight and leaving.
Just as I was settling down to sleep, calming down from my pent up anger, she popped back in. Oh, and did you see the look on Romeo’s face! He is quite taken with you my dear, or I'm a cooked goose! If only you hadn’t ruined your chances so quickly! Now you know whatever girl gets him will be rubbing it in your face every time you see them. You really should have been more prudent!
How I did not just burst out at her I shall never know. But finally she finished babbling and left. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake. Maybe I should have gotten to know him before I just assumed he was looking at my face and only my face. Drat my mother! Putting these thoughts in my head! I tell you I did not sleep well that night.
The next morning, I regretted it no longer. For who do you suppose showed up and asked me to walk in the gardens with him? I felt my mother’s eyes on me the whole time. I walked at least four feet away from him, barely talking. He looked like a puppy, not an attractive feature. I suddenly wondered if maybe there was something behind those eyes, something that I could fall for. So I stopped. Looked him in the eye for the first time since I was ten and not worried about what HE thought of me. Big mistake. He took that as flirtatious and I saw the joy flash across his face. I started to walk away.
He grabbed my arm, pulled me back, and pleaded. What are you afraid of? So that was it. He thought I was afraid of him. HA! Poor, misguided boy. He must think I'm simple, naïve, and playing hard to get. He must think I'm just like all the other girls, only I'm not mooning over him. He must see me as a challenge. Something to conquer. These thoughts made me sick.
So I told him exactly what I thought of marriage and men. He’s face changed so many times, I could not begin to describe what went on there. I felt that feeling of guilt. That feeling of making this beautiful boy…WHOA! Where ever that came from, I shoved it right back. I could not, would not let this boy’s face make my decisions for me. I left him standing there, all by himself; in the gardens, right next to the rose bushes.
As I entered the house again, I turned back just once. There, on the doorstep, was a single red rose. I watched the slowly retreating back of Romeo fade into the colors of the sunset.
I would never see or hear from him again.
No man I have ever met has led me to believe that they are at all interested in my intellect and mind. Behind this pretty face there is a mind, heart, and soul. Men are just after me to claim me, like some prize at a great tournament. Like some ornamental belonging that they will forever boast upon.
If I were plain, or marred by some disease, no one would feel the same. Even if it would happen now, people would just shake their heads and mutter, “What sin has that family committed, that one so pretty would be so brutally ruined!” As if I am worthless without my face! I tell you that men are not treated the same way! Women are only looked at in lustful ways. Men are looked at first by their money, then their looks.
I have known young girls like me who have given up their lives to marry old, fat, doddering men who had nothing more to offer than a comfortable life and a hope that her children, the Lord bless those poor darlings born to that unhappy marriage, will have a better, richer childhood than she herself did.
And when that man, who was so much older than the poor girl, would take ill and die, all would shake their heads and weep and say what a shame it was for one so young to be widowed so soon. And she, with great sorrow of course, could hardly hold back her joy. For now she could be free of his tyrannous rule. After the length of the mourning period, she would court again; get a younger, more suitable man. And live comfortably off her first husband’s money, maybe gaining more when she married the second time.
Fi to love. Fi to hopes and dreams. All that matters in this world is the making of money and more heirs of that money. Does it ever end?
My father “notices” the boys that come courting. Yes, I said boys. Even if they are 50 years old, they are still boys in my eyes. They are immature animals who find it so funny when I try to hold an intelligent conversation with them. They laugh at my opinions and my father glares at me.
I pretend to be silly at times, as that is what is expected of me. My mother taught me that when a man who may be interested in you is around, treat him like a scholar. Find him funny at every turn. Even if you know what is going on, never, EVER enter a conversation on politics or swords. Your opinions don’t matter. When (dare she say if?) you get married, the husband comes first. You are not smarter. You have no say. You are worthless. Well she never said that. But you get the idea? Ridiculous!
To put up with this over and over, you have no idea how tiresome it is! Every time there is a party or a suitor drops by for a chat, mostly with my father, my mother is like a little girl herself. After he is gone, while I'm getting ready to retire, she’ll bustle into my room and giggle. What did you think? Isn’t he handsome? He has lots of money! Your children will be beautiful! I really wish you would mind your manners more.
She just does not understand, though I tell her every time, that I have no need of a husband. She thinks that I'm demon possessed when I utter those “oh so vile” words. How could her only daughter, her precious, beautiful daughter be so vengeful of men? And at her age, too! What is the world coming to? Heaven forbid HER daughter should never marry! Someday, darling, someday.
Like the other night. We were at a party held by the Montagues to celebrate someone’s marriage. That fool of a boy Romeo wouldn’t stop following me around. I tried to be gentle, courteous like my mother taught me. After all I was a guest in his house. But he didn’t get it. Dance after dance he pursued me. Would he never understand! I finally just let it out.
I started out calmly telling him what I really thought of him, but soon lost control of my mouth and volume. A brazen, haughty, shallow, play boy who wouldn’t give anyone who wasn’t beautiful a second look or talk to a girl about the REAL issues of life without laughing and saying that she was cute because she pretended to know what she was talking about!
He looked quite surprised. I must say that I was surprised at the force of the words as the escaped my lips. I stood there, panting slightly at the effort it had taken to let that out. I saw a movement across the room. My mother was fainting. Feigning concern, I left Romeo to ponder my words. As I reached my mother, who was being revived by some ladies in waiting, she glared. She ordered me to get my things and we left at once.
In the carriage, there was total silence for 10 minutes. It felt like forever and a half. When I heard my mother take a deep breath, I knew what was coming. Oh, how she let me have it! My father sat quietly off to the side. At times he seemed like he had something to say, but never did get a chance to say anything. For once he let her talk and talk. For once I wished that he would interrupt her and they would fight with each other; not me.
When we got home, I felt that maybe on this night, I would be spared the usual giggles and games. But not a quarter of an hour later, in waltzes my mother. At first she just stood at the end of my bed and shook her head at me. Then she started out with who she believed were good matches and might, just might, have to humor enough to oversee my little outburst tonight. The choices weren’t many. And not from the households she would have picked, if she had the choice. But a daughter who was too outspoken for her own good couldn’t be picky. She gave me a meaningful glance before bidding me goodnight and leaving.
Just as I was settling down to sleep, calming down from my pent up anger, she popped back in. Oh, and did you see the look on Romeo’s face! He is quite taken with you my dear, or I'm a cooked goose! If only you hadn’t ruined your chances so quickly! Now you know whatever girl gets him will be rubbing it in your face every time you see them. You really should have been more prudent!
How I did not just burst out at her I shall never know. But finally she finished babbling and left. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake. Maybe I should have gotten to know him before I just assumed he was looking at my face and only my face. Drat my mother! Putting these thoughts in my head! I tell you I did not sleep well that night.
The next morning, I regretted it no longer. For who do you suppose showed up and asked me to walk in the gardens with him? I felt my mother’s eyes on me the whole time. I walked at least four feet away from him, barely talking. He looked like a puppy, not an attractive feature. I suddenly wondered if maybe there was something behind those eyes, something that I could fall for. So I stopped. Looked him in the eye for the first time since I was ten and not worried about what HE thought of me. Big mistake. He took that as flirtatious and I saw the joy flash across his face. I started to walk away.
He grabbed my arm, pulled me back, and pleaded. What are you afraid of? So that was it. He thought I was afraid of him. HA! Poor, misguided boy. He must think I'm simple, naïve, and playing hard to get. He must think I'm just like all the other girls, only I'm not mooning over him. He must see me as a challenge. Something to conquer. These thoughts made me sick.
So I told him exactly what I thought of marriage and men. He’s face changed so many times, I could not begin to describe what went on there. I felt that feeling of guilt. That feeling of making this beautiful boy…WHOA! Where ever that came from, I shoved it right back. I could not, would not let this boy’s face make my decisions for me. I left him standing there, all by himself; in the gardens, right next to the rose bushes.
As I entered the house again, I turned back just once. There, on the doorstep, was a single red rose. I watched the slowly retreating back of Romeo fade into the colors of the sunset.
I would never see or hear from him again.
confused. more so than usual.
i dont know whats going on anymore.
as soon as i think i have one thing figured out, something else turns out wrong or just different than i would have liked. but i guess God is just trying to show me gently that im not and cant always be in control. i can think of somethings that He could do that would really get it through to me, which really scares me.
i feel torn in so many ways. never in my life have i had so many guys showing interest in me. i dont know if some of them just got together and decided i would be the victim of this awful prank or what. but thats what it feels like at times. i feel like im betraying them all if i pay any attention to one. but they're all my really really good friends and i never want to lose that. i just feel like no matter who i choose, someone is going to be hurt, some friendship is never going to be the same. and i dont know how i can gently hint at them anymore than i already am.
also, some people may be taking me, the way i am, the way i act, and reading it the wrong way. i just dont know.
the lighthouse is looking pretty good right about now...
as soon as i think i have one thing figured out, something else turns out wrong or just different than i would have liked. but i guess God is just trying to show me gently that im not and cant always be in control. i can think of somethings that He could do that would really get it through to me, which really scares me.
i feel torn in so many ways. never in my life have i had so many guys showing interest in me. i dont know if some of them just got together and decided i would be the victim of this awful prank or what. but thats what it feels like at times. i feel like im betraying them all if i pay any attention to one. but they're all my really really good friends and i never want to lose that. i just feel like no matter who i choose, someone is going to be hurt, some friendship is never going to be the same. and i dont know how i can gently hint at them anymore than i already am.
also, some people may be taking me, the way i am, the way i act, and reading it the wrong way. i just dont know.
i knew that would be taken the wrong way.
always. always.
*sighs*
did i make a mistake?
the lighthouse is looking pretty good right about now...
Monday, March 3, 2008
today...blech.
today i woke up. took a shower. ate breakfast. got ready for school. made coffee concoction! ((tehe)) and headed out to the bus stop. uneventful bus ride. got to school. told ppl about my weekend. headed off to homeroom. my day was going pretty well. no major problems nothing too exciting either. altho science was quite interesting...discovering URMOMIUM newest element...tehe. "WAIT! WE HAVE TO HAND THAT IN!?!?! O NOOO!!!" *falls on the floor laughing* great times. long story.
anywho. so 9th period, a few of us were helping J-Dog ((Mr. Jordan)) by bringing some band stuff from outside in the truck into the band room. it was before orchestra started and there were like three of us in the room. the doors were left open because it was so nice out. i innocently made a comment to the air and erika along the lines of "its so nice outside! maybe we should play out there!" mr. merkley heard me and yelled across the room, "IF ANYONE ELSE SAYS ANYTHInG ABOUT PLAYING OUTSIDE THE DOORS WILL BE SHUT! THAT IS A PRIVILEGE TO LET IN SOME FRESH AIR!" ...*silence*
erika and i just looked at each other. erika:" whats up his butt?"
me: "hmm. must be a bow!" tehe silly us!
but with a start like that, the period didnt go too well. then tenth period was just poop and a half. exactly. then i had to stay after to finish a project which turned out really really badly! poo. and THEN i had to stay for ensemble which im supposed to be doing but dont really have time for it and he has been pressuring me to do and really dont want to. *sighs* but my mom picked me up at 4 and i came home.
then my sister anna made my day. she just told me how proud she was of me and stuff like that. and she said that she's been meaning to tell me that but she always forgets until a time when she cant call. but im glad that she remembered today. i think God knew that i needed it.
so today was good/bad. =/?
anywho. so 9th period, a few of us were helping J-Dog ((Mr. Jordan)) by bringing some band stuff from outside in the truck into the band room. it was before orchestra started and there were like three of us in the room. the doors were left open because it was so nice out. i innocently made a comment to the air and erika along the lines of "its so nice outside! maybe we should play out there!" mr. merkley heard me and yelled across the room, "IF ANYONE ELSE SAYS ANYTHInG ABOUT PLAYING OUTSIDE THE DOORS WILL BE SHUT! THAT IS A PRIVILEGE TO LET IN SOME FRESH AIR!" ...*silence*
erika and i just looked at each other. erika:" whats up his butt?"
me: "hmm. must be a bow!" tehe silly us!
but with a start like that, the period didnt go too well. then tenth period was just poop and a half. exactly. then i had to stay after to finish a project which turned out really really badly! poo. and THEN i had to stay for ensemble which im supposed to be doing but dont really have time for it and he has been pressuring me to do and really dont want to. *sighs* but my mom picked me up at 4 and i came home.
then my sister anna made my day. she just told me how proud she was of me and stuff like that. and she said that she's been meaning to tell me that but she always forgets until a time when she cant call. but im glad that she remembered today. i think God knew that i needed it.
so today was good/bad. =/?
lonnnggggg
Guess its been a while since i've blogged. and i've heard it from some people. actually...only ONE! grr. =] but yeah. so this will be a recap/bringing up to date/venting/probably very long blog! ok? ok. lets get started.
last week was interesting. i started out the week with a nasty cold turned sinus nastiness. so at show choir during school i was getting slightly bored since i could barely sing. then, last tuesday night, i could sing a bit more. so i pushed my voice to work and it did. for two hours. i pushed. and sang. and pranced and danced around the stage. but it got a bit old. when one is preparing for a show of all broadway songs/dances, it can really take it out of you, especially if you're sick to start with. so as soon as i stopped, i felt awful. plus i was confronted about nasty drama of the past that people just cant let go of. i mean come on! i have little patience for people who accuse me of being a drama queen/attention getter and then THEY keep dragging it up in my face when its settled and when i've already forgiven them. my patience is like this *indicates with fingers* thin right now and i think they know it. i feel like they're just waiting for me to blow. cuz then they might actually have something REAL to talk about and hold against me. grr.
anywho. so tuesday night after show choir i was feeling quite discouraged with myself and feeling like maybe i do suck at life like they're trying to tell me. so as i stood in the cold wind outside of school, waiting for my father to arrive, i prayed and thought about all that was going on. i felt a bit better, and by the time my father FINALLY did arrive, i was tired/sore/sick but feeling better inside than i had in a while.
wednesday wasnt all that exciting that i remember. but thursday after school we had show choir practice. and i got a monologue for the revue and a part in a children's play. as i was walking out of the school, the wind blowing my hair all around ((i told my mother as i got in the car that i felt like a model in a photo shoot, what with the wind and all the random ppl in cars watching me walk across the parking lot cuz i was the first one to escape.)) i realized that i was, for the first time in a llllooonnnnggggg time, i was UBER EXCITED for this broadway revue! and it made me feel so much better!
friday was an ok school day. but friday evening i went to emily cirullo's house and slept over. we watched some good movies and had some fun times with her baby ((plastic as it was...tehe)) then saturday afternoon i got home around 2, had some time to get ready, make coffee, and then headed off to babysit lana and trent for the evening. i slept over there and went to church with them on sunday morning. then i went home, had lunch, got ready, and headed off to football, then choir, then YOUTH GROUP! which was fun. at football i decided to play red light green light. but the boys werent cooperating for the most part. losers. =]
so that was last week. this has been a bit too long. so i think i'll save today for another time...
last week was interesting. i started out the week with a nasty cold turned sinus nastiness. so at show choir during school i was getting slightly bored since i could barely sing. then, last tuesday night, i could sing a bit more. so i pushed my voice to work and it did. for two hours. i pushed. and sang. and pranced and danced around the stage. but it got a bit old. when one is preparing for a show of all broadway songs/dances, it can really take it out of you, especially if you're sick to start with. so as soon as i stopped, i felt awful. plus i was confronted about nasty drama of the past that people just cant let go of. i mean come on! i have little patience for people who accuse me of being a drama queen/attention getter and then THEY keep dragging it up in my face when its settled and when i've already forgiven them. my patience is like this *indicates with fingers* thin right now and i think they know it. i feel like they're just waiting for me to blow. cuz then they might actually have something REAL to talk about and hold against me. grr.
anywho. so tuesday night after show choir i was feeling quite discouraged with myself and feeling like maybe i do suck at life like they're trying to tell me. so as i stood in the cold wind outside of school, waiting for my father to arrive, i prayed and thought about all that was going on. i felt a bit better, and by the time my father FINALLY did arrive, i was tired/sore/sick but feeling better inside than i had in a while.
wednesday wasnt all that exciting that i remember. but thursday after school we had show choir practice. and i got a monologue for the revue and a part in a children's play. as i was walking out of the school, the wind blowing my hair all around ((i told my mother as i got in the car that i felt like a model in a photo shoot, what with the wind and all the random ppl in cars watching me walk across the parking lot cuz i was the first one to escape.)) i realized that i was, for the first time in a llllooonnnnggggg time, i was UBER EXCITED for this broadway revue! and it made me feel so much better!
friday was an ok school day. but friday evening i went to emily cirullo's house and slept over. we watched some good movies and had some fun times with her baby ((plastic as it was...tehe)) then saturday afternoon i got home around 2, had some time to get ready, make coffee, and then headed off to babysit lana and trent for the evening. i slept over there and went to church with them on sunday morning. then i went home, had lunch, got ready, and headed off to football, then choir, then YOUTH GROUP! which was fun. at football i decided to play red light green light. but the boys werent cooperating for the most part. losers. =]
so that was last week. this has been a bit too long. so i think i'll save today for another time...
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