as soon as i think i have one thing figured out, something else turns out wrong or just different than i would have liked. but i guess God is just trying to show me gently that im not and cant always be in control. i can think of somethings that He could do that would really get it through to me, which really scares me.
i feel torn in so many ways. never in my life have i had so many guys showing interest in me. i dont know if some of them just got together and decided i would be the victim of this awful prank or what. but thats what it feels like at times. i feel like im betraying them all if i pay any attention to one. but they're all my really really good friends and i never want to lose that. i just feel like no matter who i choose, someone is going to be hurt, some friendship is never going to be the same. and i dont know how i can gently hint at them anymore than i already am.
also, some people may be taking me, the way i am, the way i act, and reading it the wrong way. i just dont know.
i knew that would be taken the wrong way.
always. always.
*sighs*
did i make a mistake?
the lighthouse is looking pretty good right about now...
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